


The List

by VeronicaFerCard



Series: The List [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, F/M, M/M, Spies & Secret Agents, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2084019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeronicaFerCard/pseuds/VeronicaFerCard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an undercover agent dies in the middle of a mission Arthur is assigned to pick things up from where they were left off. He is supposed to retrieve dangerous information from a boy who has no idea the mess he is into.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about computer science or espionage, so I took some liberties. Also I have no beta so bear with my mistakes and please leave comments. This might be a mixture of British and American English, because the author is neither and doesn’t know what to do.

The rain was plastering Arthur’s hair to his face. His fringe had already passed his eyebrow, the tips of his hair bringing raindrops to his eyes, causing Arthur to blink several times. He needed a haircut. He needed several things, actually; but most of all he needed Merlin to stop walking away from him and fucking _listen_ to what Arthur had to say.

“Merlin, please!” Arthur said for what it felt like the tenth time that night. “Fuck,” he breathed. “Stop behaving like a child!” Arthur had to shout to be heard over the sound of the heavy rain. Merlin stopped in the middle of the street, under a post lamp which had probably lost its power when the rain increased a few moments ago.  He kept his back turned to Arthur, his hands clenched into tight fists.

A sound between a dry chuckle and a sob escaped Merlin’s lips. He shook his head. “If I am such a burden to you, _agent…_ why don’t you just leave me?”

 _Because I need you._  “Because the government needs you,” Arthur said in a low voice, he was close enough to Merlin now that he didn’t need to speak loud. “The data in the flash drive Tristan gave you is encrypted. He thought you could crack it, that’s why he approached you in the first place.”

This time Merlin turned his face to him. Arthur couldn’t say if the water running down Merlin’s face were tears or only rain, but judging by the redness in his eyes, Arthur would say it was a combination of both.

“But… how did he even know who I was?” Merlin asked in a small voice, he sounded lost and tired. Arthur wanted tug him into a hug, but he suspected he was no longer allowed to do that. Instead he put his hands on his back in a military position and sighed.

“I don’t know.” And it was true, Arthur only receive the information The King thought it relevant for him to know. This wasn’t the first time he would be working blindfolded with only left and right instructions to guide him in the dark; and frankly that was all he needed. Arthur trusted his superiors, he had to. And now this damn case was making him second guess every step he took.

“Do you expect me to believe that, now? Do you expect me to believe anything you say?” Merlin shook his head. “Forget it. I don’t even know why I asked.” With that he started to walk back towards the building again. “If you get close to me again,” Merlin said while he walked. “I’ll flush your precious data down the toilet.”

Arthur didn’t go after him, he watched until Merlin reached the front door Arthur had left open when he went after Merlin. Once he saw the light from Merlin’s window flicker, Arthur turned his back and walked away.

He was sure Merlin would do just as he said if Arthur got close again. He had fucked up a mission for the first time since he started to work for Avalon, and now Arthur knew why. _Merlin_. Arthur got involved. First lesson in the book and Arthur had screwed up because apparently he was not good with basics. While in other assignment he could work without worrying about the consequences, this time was different, other times if Arthur messed up (which never happened, by the way) he would be the only victim of his actions, and then Avalon would send someone to take his place and finish the job. This time Arthur couldn’t just trust his boss and do as he was told, this time he had to know the risks, he had to know if he was putting Merlin’s life in danger.

Arthur walked a few more blocks, and when the rain stopped he took his phone from the hidden pocket on his jacket and dialed the three digits code which would get him in touch with Base.

  _“Is this my Knight in shining armor?”_ said a male voice over the line.

“Fuck you, G.” Arthur knew better than to use real names over the phone, one could never be too careful. “Bring me a car, will you.” He sighed and used his free hand to take his hair out of his face. “I think I just blew the mission.”

 

_Three months before._

Tristan’s body was lying on the floor next to his broken television and the things Arthur presumed used to stay on the coffee table, which was nowhere to be seen. Not in the living room, anyway. Arthur crouched beside the body, he was about to take Tristan’s pulse to make sure he was dead, when the man’s eye flew open.

“God!” Arthur went for his mobile inside his jacket, but Tristan stopped him.

“It… no use,” he chocked the words out, coughing blood as he spoke. Arthur couldn’t see any bullet hole on Tristan but he knew very well a gun was only one of the many ways to kill a person. Tristan was barely breathing; the wet sound coming from his breaths told Arthur all he needed to know. The man was drowning on his own blood. “The…data… pen drive… Merlin.”

“The Data is with Merlin? Who’s Merlin?” Arthur shook his head, never mind that; The King could give him that information. He took one of Tristan’s hands in his and squeezed. “I’m sorry, Tris.” There were about six people who worked in Avalon, and only two outside it who knew about its existence. Arthur knew Tristan since he was a boy, they trained together, even though Tris was some years older than Arthur and had already gone through what Arthur was only starting to learn at the time. Everyone in Avalon was family to him, two of them actually shared Arthur’s last name; it was always hard when they lost someone.

Tristan coughed again, he couldn’t say much but Arthur suspected he already knew everything his friend wanted to say. He held Arthur’s hand as strongly as he could. “ ‘rlin… ‘oesn’ know… he… he is… he’s.” Tristan’s eyes rolled to the back of his skull and his body stopped moving altogether. Arthur reached a hand and closed his eyes.

“Goodbye, Tris.”

He got up from the floor and fished his phone from his pocket. His sister was the one to answer the call.

_“Rook 1 speaking. Is this Knight 2? Confirm please.”_

“There’s only one Knight now.” He heard Morgana’s gasp but didn’t say anything, he knew how she was feeling, he felt the same. “I need a cleaning crew here.” He didn’t have to say where here was; the GPS on his phone would do that. The cleaning crew had nothing to do with Avalon; they belonged to another branch of the government and they didn’t have to know what happened there. Their job was to stage a scenario for a plausible, natural, cause of death.

Arthur looked down at Tris. Apart from the blood on his mouth there were no other apparent indications of a violent death.  Tristan had no neighbors, no one who could have heard the fight in his house. With a bit of repair here and there they could easily work with a heart attack. Arthur silently apologized to Tristan; they would have to leave his body there for a few days to make this believable. Tristan was seeing a woman from the university; she would probably come by some time.

 _“Knight? Still there?”_ Morgana’s voice brought him back to reality. Arthur cleared his throat and confirmed that he was still there. _“You need to leave; the cleaning staff should be there any minute. Come back to Base, the King wants your report right away.”_ She hung up before Arthur could say anything; he bent over the body and took the mobile that was lying next to it. That was all Arthur needed from the place, the only thing which could link someone to Avalon. Whoever attacked Tristan probably didn’t expect such powerful information to be in an old Motorolla.

Whoever attacked Tris… Arthur juggled the old phone while he left the building; he didn’t bother closing the door on his way out. Whoever attacked Tris was going to die; Arthur would make sure of it.

* * *

 

Avalon was an organization so secret that apart from Her Majesty and the Prime Minister the only other people who knew about it were the ones working on Avalon. Sure, lots of people had heard about it over the years, but it was mostly whispers and rumors, no one actually believed something like that existed. It was conspiracy theory at its best. A top secret organization that fought terrorists? Yeah, like that could be real?

Arthur himself would sign up with the non-believers if it wasn’t for the fact that he was practically born and raised in that abandoned warehouse, under which Base was established.

Thing was, about twenty years ago Major Andrew Kilgharrah left the army and disappeared from the face of the earth, or at least that was what it was supposed to look like. What had actually happened was that, under the Prime Minister’s request, he started a secret organization to fight against terrorism; like the mythical land from the legends, Avalon should be precisely this, a myth, for that was what Avalon needed to be if they were to catch the terrorists before they even get the publicity they usually sought with their attacks. Kilgharrah recruited only the best, and the best was Uther Pendragon. Arthur’s father was a widower with two kids who was about to leave the military to take care of his family when he received an invitation he could not refuse. Instead he brought his children with him and made of the secret service a family business.

Arthur and Morgana grew up with the best education and training money could buy, all of it without actually going to any school or paying for anything. They didn’t have to thank anyone, though; privilege comes with a price and they both knew from a tender age that their lives belonged to the country.

After Kilgharrah’s death Uther was left in charge, and he chose the best man he could think of to work with him, Balinor Daniels. Arthur didn’t know much about the man, except that he used to be a simple police officer and now he was Uther’s second in command, someone his father trusted more than anything.

The agents in Avalon were supposed to have chess related codenames, Uther was The King, Tristan and Arthur were Knights 1 and 2, Morgana and Gwaine, who worked from the Base were Rooks 1 and 2, but Balinor went against the rules and chose his own name, The Dragonlord, apparently it had some sort of special meaning which only he knew. Arthur never asked. There was something about the man that made him look sad, like he was missing something… or someone. Not that Arthur knew about it. The only person who knew anything about Balinor’s life before he entered Avalon sixteen years ago was Uther, and since most of his father’s job was to keep secrets Arthur knew better than to ask. 

Arthur entered the abandoned warehouse and made his way to the fake wall behind a broken set of stairs. He entered his code on the panel that looked like a broken alarm system and the wall opened to reveal the elevator leading to the underground where Base was located. He pressed the code to activate the elevator, its doors closing without a sound and within a few seconds Arthur was stepping out of it and to the bright space that was his home.

He went straight to Uther’s office, knocking on the door once to announce his presence before walking in.

“Sir?”

Uther raised his head from the tablet on his hands. “Arthur! Sit down and report.” Arthur knew his father wasn’t going to offer him a shoulder to cry on or even talk about Tristan’s death, they had lost few people over the years, they mourn the ones they lost by catching whomever had done them wrong.

“The first Knight was already down when I got there, sir.” Arthur said after taking the chair in front of his father. “All he said was that someone called Merlin had the data, but he doesn’t know.” At this point curiosity got the best of him and Arthur asked, “Father, who is Merlin?”

Uther typed a few things on the tablet and then offered it to Arthur. There was a file opened on the device, it had a photo of a boy, who didn’t look older then eighteen years old, though the file said twenty one; it had more information but that Arthur could read later, Uther would explain what he needed to know now.

“Merlin Emrys is a student of the University of Camelot. He is the top of his class, has won a few prizes with his work with computer science, which is his major, by the way. He is highly intelligent, as you can see,” Uther gestured to the tablet on Arthur’s hand. “On his last undercover job, Tristan came to the possession of a thumb drive containing the name and aliases of each and every member of Medhir.”

Arthur’s jaw dropped. Medhir was the terrorist group responsible for several minor attacks in London in the last five years. What made them dangerous was the fact that they didn’t take credit for any of their attacks, though to Avalon it wasn’t difficult to discover their head, a woman called Morgause Orkney. Uther suspected that their goal was not just spread fear or spill propaganda. They had something bigger in mind and they had to be stopped before they get noticed. So, while the head was easy to spot, the rest of the people, the foot soldiers, were difficult to track; it could be anyone. A list with names was just what Avalon needed to work its magic.

“The information in the flash drive is encrypted, and Tristan had reasons to believe Emrys has just the right tools to crack it.” Uther said getting up from his chair and putting on his suit jacket. “I hardly have to remember you that everything said in this room is highly confidential and mustn’t be divulged to another living soul.” Arthur frowned to his father, he knew the rules; once you were assigned to a mission, it was yours and yours alone; Uther, and sometimes Balinor, were the only ones with access to details.

“You know I wouldn’t –” Arthur started but he was interrupted but his father.

“Especially the boy’s name,” Uther said. There was something off about the way he was behaving towards this; something Arthur couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “This is going to be tricky, Arthur. He has to give you the data without knowing he is doing so. He cannot get involved in this.”

Arthur snorted. “With all due respect, sir. I think he already is.” He got up from the chair and followed his father out if the office.

“I mean it, Arthur. Medhir must never know about this boy.” Uther placed a hand on Arthur’s forearm. “Do what you will to get this information, but don’t put his life in danger.”

Arthur wanted to ask what was so important about this kid; aside from the fact the he was apparently some sort of computer genius, but they were already out of the privacy of Uther’s room and he knew his father was done giving him information.

“Go fetch your sister to dine with us,” and with that Uther left him. Arthur sighed, he was going to have to wait and see what this Merlin guy was about.

* * *

 

The University of Camelot was London’s oldest campus, and also the one with more prestige in all Europe. One would almost have to offer their first born to get a place there. Arthur liked to think he could have gotten in if he wanted. Looking at the imposing old building in front of him now, he realized it didn’t make a difference. Arthur was homeschooled since he was eleven, some of the professors he had had come from Camelot so it was almost as if he had gotten in.

Now the fact that Merlin had manage to get a full scholarship, that was impressive. The Emrys family was far from being rich, so there really wasn’t another way for Merlin to get a place at Camelot otherwise. Arthur had spent the night going over the boy’s file with Uther. Merlin’s only living relative was his mother, Hunith. She still lived on the small town where Merlin grew up. The only information about his father read “deceased” after the word father; there wasn’t even a name, but Arthur thought that wouldn’t be relevant anyway. None of that information was actually relevant for what they needed; they needed Merlin for his brain and that alone.

Of course Arthur couldn’t simply go to Merlin and say _“Hey, wanna help me save the world?”_ He had to warm his way up with the kid just like Tris had done it, and that’s way he needed all that personal info. Arthur let out a tired breath. This could take some time.

It took three days for Isolde, Tristan’s girl, to find his body; three days were a short period for Arthur to take his place on the university, but they couldn’t afford to lose any time so here he was.

He made his way to the dean’s office. Gaius Healer was one of the few friends Uther had that didn’t work for the secret service. The man had been working at Camelot his whole life; it was there that he had meet Arthur’s father and they were friends ever since.  Arthur was almost certain Gaius knew about Avalon, or at least he knew about something, he put Tris inside the university after all.

Gaius’ door was open but Arthur knocked anyway to announce his presence. The old man was apparently nodding off on his desk and startled when he heard Arthur.

“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” Arthur apologized before entering the room. Gaius’ office was a big room with two huge windows on the wall behind his desk, through which he had a view of all the main buildings of the campus. The rest of the walls were covered with shelves full of books; the only sign of modernity being the computer on the desk.

“Nonsense my boy, come in! I was just meditating a little on… things.” He gestured for Arthur to take the chair in front of him. Once Arthur was settled Gaius adjusted his glasses and continued. “I must have forgotten our appointment; remind me, what was the reason, again?”

“I’m Arthur Pendragon, sir.” And he really hopped that would be enough of an explanation. Arthur was not keen on having to discuss why he was there, this kind of talk was reserved to The King, least someone would say something they shouldn’t.

The name certainly brought a light to the old man’s eyes. “Uther’s boy! By God, look how you grown!” Arthur smiled; Gaius taught Physics to him and Morgana for a few years when they were teenagers. He didn’t expect the man to remember him. “Of course, Uther told me you were taking over Mr. Cornwall position. What a tragedy, by the way.” Gaius shook his head sadly. “To have a heart attack at such a young age,” he didn’t know much, then.

“I didn’t know him very well,” Arthur lied.

Gaius raised an eyebrow at Arthur but didn’t comment anything; instead he took some folders from a drawer on his desk and pushed them towards Arthur. “This was Mr. Cornwall’s work. He had only one class last semester and was currently advising one of his students, Merlin.”

“Yes, I was sent here especially to continue Tris- Mr. Cornwall’s work with this student. I am afraid I’m not qualified to take the responsibility for an entire class.”  _I’m afraid I’d lose my temper and shoot them all on the first day_ , he left unsaid.

“Oh, don’t worry, Arthur. If you are as smart as you were when we used to have our classes then you have nothing to worry about. Now,” he hesitated, “as for Merlin… Maybe you should wait until you have more experience with the rest of the class.”

Great, so apparently Merlin was worse than an entire class full of twenty something kids who thought they’re adults just because they’re out of high school. “Surely, he is not that bad.” Arthur said, hoping that Gaius would prove his theory wrong.

“Oh, no no no,” he shook his head amused. “Merlin’s not bad at all. In fact, he is one on of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. The thing is, uh… how can I put this gently? Uh… he needs someone who can, let’s say; meet his level, so to speak.”

“Does he even need a professor, anyway? Isn’t this more like a formality?” From what Uther had told him, Tristan wasn’t really helping Merlin with his school work, he just gave some advices here and there, but Merlin did the job himself, and of course, Tris had to try to get the boy to crack the flash drive, but he didn’t have the time for that.

Gaius seemed to consider Arthur’s question for a few moments and then he nodded, clearly having got to a conclusion. “Well, I suppose so.” He glanced his wrist watch and then to Arthur. “I’m afraid you must go now, Arthur. I have another meeting in five minutes.”

Arthur got up from the chair and shook Gaius’ hand. “It was a pleasure seeing you again, sir.”

“You too, my boy; and you can just call me Gaius,” he said as they shook hands. “Now you can go find Merlin, he is probably at the library.”

Arthur was about to leave when Gaius called him back.

“Yes?”

“Don’t forget the folders. Your classes start tomorrow at eight a.m.” Arthur opened his mouth to protest but Gaius cut him. “I am old; I might not be entirely aware of what your father has been doing, but be certain I won’t let this interfere with the schedule of my University. My students need a professor and your father needs someone at Camelot.” He took the folder and offered it to Arthur. “Everyone must collaborate.”

* * *

 

It took Arthur more time than he would care to admit to find the library. Sure, he was way too worried about the fact that he would have to give classes _, for god’s sakes_ , to pay attention to where he was going; as a result he got lost  several times before finally finding the right building.  

To find Merlin in that place was another adventure altogether. Arthur should have told Gaius he would wait for the guy at his office; then again, Arthur didn’t even know if he _had_ an office. Surely they would give him a place, wouldn't they? His thoughts went back to the folders Gaius had given to him, which were now inside his bag; apparently those were the only proves that Tris had even been in the place. So _yeah,_ Arthur probably didn’t have a nice desk and a door with his name on it.

He spotted Merlin sitting at a desk by the end of the library; he had several books opened in front of him and was taking notes on a notebook. His hair was sticking out in all directions, he had a mad science look about him, but as Arthur got closer he changed that description to lost kitten.

“Mister Emrys!” Arthur said as he placed his bag on the table over Merlin’s books and causing him to almost jump from  the chair.  Merlin glared up at Arthur; if his goal was to look scary he failed miserably. “Are you trying to blow my head out with the power of your stare?”

“No, I’m waiting for you to realize you’re being a huge arse and remove your stuff from my desk.” Merlin hissed back.

Arthur pushed the chair in front of Merlin, making sure it scrapped on the floor to make as much noise as he could, causing Merlin to wince and look around wide eyed to see if anyone was looking. Apart from the librarian at the front desk, there wasn’t anyone at the library; Arthur had checked when he entered; but Merlin didn’t know that and probably thought he was about to be thrown out for misbehaving. Arthur smirked at him.

“I think you’ll find you can’t address me like that, Mr. Emrys,” he said as he sat down and crossed his arms, he didn’t know what came over him, Arthur wasn’t usually this bad, but there was something really satisfying in making this Merlin kid lose his control.

Merlin dropped the pencil and mimicked Arthur’s position, crossing his arms. “And why is that?” Then before Arthur could say anything, Merlin seemed to have changed his mind, he sighed. “Look man, I don’t have time for this,” Uncrossing his arms, he started to pick his things from the desk, he closed his notebook, taking a backpack from under the table, Merlin started to shove his belongings inside it. “I would _love_ to stay and chat, but I just discovered I’ll have to do the most important thing of my student life all by myself, so I really don’t have time to discuss with arrogant prats.”

Arthur waited patiently as Merlin finished his little speech and organized his things, he didn’t touch the books under Arthur’s bag, though. Once Merlin was ready to go, Arthur grabbed him by the writs lightly, but with enough strength to keep Merlin in place.

“Are you assaulting me in a desert library?” Merlin’s eyes were huge; he looked half terrified half pissed about what Arthur was doing.  It didn’t take much to realize Merlin had probably suffer from bullying when he was a  kid, Arthur could practically see the struggle going on his mind, between his pride and his survivor’s instincts. Arthur let him go.

“If you’d just stop for a second you’d know you are not alone.”

“What do you mean?” Merlin had taken a step back as soon as Arthur had released him, but he didn’t run away.

Well, it was time to finish their little game, they had work to do. Arthur stretched a hand towards Merlin. “I’m Arthur Pendragon, your new advisor.” he said with his best smile, enjoying the view as the information registered and Merlin turned pale.

* * *

 

 _Oh shit, shit, shit. Now you’ve really done it, Merlin. You’re going to get expelled on your last year. Your mom is going to kill you._ Merlin stared at the hand in front of him, gapping like a fish out of water. He had worked so hard to get here, this was so unfair. First he lost professor Cornwall and now he screwed up his chances with the new advisor.

“You know, when someone offers you their hand, it’s polite to shake it.” The prat - professor Pendragon looked like he was enjoying Merlin’s suffering. Oh but he would not have the satisfaction of seeing Merlin crack in front of him, he dried his sweaty hand on his jeans and involved Pendragon’s in a firm grip.

“Professor” Oh, good! His voice didn’t fail him; maybe he could still save this. “I’m sorry, if I behaved as rudely as you did, it wasn’t my intention.” _What was wrong with him today?_ _Ugh_ , Merlin groaned internally. To his surprise Pendragon threw his head back and laughed loudly than one should in a library.

“Fine, fine,” he sniffed as he stopped laughing. “There’s something about you, Merlin,” he said, shaking his head; an amused smile still on his face “Can’t quite put my finger on it.”

Despite of himself, Merlin smiled back at the man in front of him; he was slowly starting to relax, taking the opportunity to really look at his new advisor. He was younger than Cornwall, and way hotter; with his broad shoulders, strong jawline, blond hair Merlin had only seen on TV and sky blue eyes, Pendragon looked more like a model than a university professor.

“I mean it, though. I’m not usually this rude.” Merlin apologized again.

“Yeah, I didn’t exactly give my best impression either.” And Merlin suspected that was the closest Pendragon would get to saying sorry, Merlin was fine with that for now.

An uncomfortable silence grew between them, in which they simply stared at each other and then the professor looked down and cleared his throat. “I think we should, uh…” Merlin followed his gaze and was surprise to discover they had had an entire conversation holding hands, he rapidly pulled his hand way.  “Maybe you could, uh… show me what you had been working with Tristan.”

“Oh, I would love to, but I have a test tomorrow and I really need to study.” When Merlin finally worked up the courage to meet the professor’s eyes he saw the man’s face was just as red as Merlin felt his to be, it made him feel better somehow.

“O-kay then, Mr. Emrys. I guess we’ll see each other tomorrow.” He took his bag from the table and put it on his shoulder.  Merlin did the same with his old backpack and there was an awkward moment when they both headed to the same direction, but then they finally reached the door to the library. Merlin made his best to avoid the murderous glare the old librarian must have been giving them for the noise they made.

They stopped outside the library and Merlin turned to face his advisor. “We could meet here after two p.m.?” After the professor nodded his agreement Merlin said, “See you tomorrow, Professor Pendragon.” The man visibly cringed at his words.

“Oh God, no, none of that; we are not doing this.” He shook his head and adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “Just Arthur, please.”

That was odd. In his experience university professors loved to have titles and more titles over their names, they would probably ignore Merlin completely if he addressed them by their first name. _Heck_ , it took him some time to get this close to Cornwall, and even then it still felt weird calling him just Tristan.  But for some unknown reason Merlin had a feeling that it wouldn’t be the same with Pendragon – Arthur; the name certainly suited him better than Professor Pendragon.

“Fine, then I’m Merlin.” He smiled and held his hand to Arthur one more time.

“I know that, Mr. Emrys.” Arthur said as they shook hands again, quicker this time.

“Just Merlin… Arthur.”

* * *

 

There was no such thing as _just Merlin,_ Arthur thought as he drove back to Base to report to his father; the picture on Merlin’s file didn’t do him any justice, it fail to report the boyish grin, which made his eyes turn into two half-moons when he smiled, and how sharp his cheekbones were; it had no information about his long delicate fingers or how soft his hair seemed to be. The file certainly hadn’t prepared Arthur to the fact that Merlin had quite a mouth on him.

Arthur smiled at the memory. He was used to have a certain impact on people, he was very aware his physical appearance and the file _did_ say Merlin was gay so… Arthur was definitely not prepared for that reception. _Well,_ he thought as he headed to Uther’s office, _at least this won’t be boring._

“Morgana is there with him.” Balinor’s voice came from behind him just as Arthur was about to knock on his father’s door; he stepped away from it and turned to Balinor.

“Thanks.” He knew from experience how long the conversations between those two could take, so it was good to have a heads up. Maybe he could go grab something to eat before giving his report.

“I heard you took Tris’ case.”

“I did, yeah.” Arthur followed the Dragonlord to his tech room, where all their computers were, it was where Balinor spent most of his time. They sat on two armchairs in front of the multiple monitors, talking while Balinor worked. “What’s your clearance?” Arthur asked. Uther would not leave him completely in the dark.

“You need something from someone and they can’t know you’re taking it.” Balinor explained in general terms.

“Basically, yeah,” Arthur scratched the back of his head. “Don’t really know how to go about it, though. They are very smart.” Merlin would not fall for half-ass excuses, he would make questions and he would _demand_ answers.

“Distract them,” Balinor said with a shrug. “Put their attention somewhere else while you do your trick.”

Arthur could think about a few nice ways to distract Merlin and for the evil smirk on Balinor’s face that was exactly what he was talking about.

“It’s not very ethical.” They heard Uther’s door opening and Morgana leaving the office; Arthur got up from his chair.

The Dragonlord snorted.

“I’m telling you to seduce them, not marry and leave once you get what you want… Just remember not to get too attached,” he said as Arthur left the room, feeling like he might have already neglected that last advice, if the way he couldn’t stop thinking about Merlin was any indication.

* * *

 

Merlin left the library feeling better than he had in the last few days. When news about professor Tristan’s death reached him he thought that was the ultimate sign from the universe telling him he truly didn’t belong in that place. Even in his last year he still felt like he didn’t fit in that posh university, full of rich people who looked at him like he was trash. He had only made four friends and two of them were part of the school’s staff, how lame was that? Sure, Gaius and Tristan were great and so were Lance and Gwen, but Merlin used to think that by now he would have made something more of his life.

 

He did have, like five job offers from some big computer companies for when he graduate, there was nothing Merlin had to worry about in that department.  If he played his cards right he would be swimming in money by the time he was thirty.  But apart from that, Merlin’s life had no emotion what so ever; nothing ever happened. He was still as single as he was when he was born and just as virgin; a few kisses over the years and a really awkward, drunken handjob with Gili on freshmen year and that was it.

He got to the dorm he shared with Lance and flopped face down on his bed; he would take a nap before resuming his studies and then he had to prepare his things to show his project to professor Pendragon – Arthur tomorrow.

 _Arthur_. Merlin sighed into his pillow. Gaius hadn’t say anything about a new advisor so it took Merlin completely by surprise when he got that the hot bloke who was trying to drive Merlin mad at the library would be the one to help him get his degreed. Even if it was only with his name, that is; Merlin had no need for advices or guidance, but he _did_ need someone to supervise his work.

When Tristan first approached him Merlin thought it would be great, the man was quiet but he was nice to work with, even if it seemed like he didn’t know much about what Merlin was doing.  

Merlin’s thought went back to the last time they talked. Tristan had given him an USB flash drive which was supposed to contain the last codes to finish the computer game they were developing; or at least that was what Cornwall had told Merlin. But the damn thing was encrypted for some reason and then Tristan died and Merlin never got the chance to ask what that was about.

Rolling onto his back, Merlin fished the small red and blue device from his pocket; he rolled it between his fingers. He could very well finish the game without those codes there, but now it felt like he should use whatever it was his later advisor wanted him to use, just to honor his memory or something.

Maybe Arthur could help him crack it. Merlin made a mental note to show the flash drive to Arthur next time they see each other again, he put it back in his pocket; it was too small a thing, he was afraid that if he parted from it he would lose among his mess and never find it again, so Merlin carried the USB stick with him all the time.

As sleep took over him, his last thoughts were of blond hair and smirks. Oh Arthur was a huge prat, no doubt, but Merlin had a feeling that there was a lot more about his professor than he let on, and Merlin was curious to know what.

* * *

 

Everybody who worked on Avalon lived in the same building for convenience and security sake; though when they were in undercover missions they usually rented a flat somewhere far from home.

The place where Tristan was living was the perfect location for the cover, but Arthur thought it would be pushing his luck a little if he rented a flat at the same building, so he stayed at his own place for now, taking care of not being seen by Uther or else his father would scowl at him for being imprudent. He would find a place; he had promised himself as he left him apartment that morning, as soon as he learned  how to build computer programs.

Gaius had at least been a bit generous with him. Arthur would be teaching exactly what he had learned from Gaius, Physics 101. Thanks heavens Arthur had a great memory; he remembered most of his lessons and they were quite advanced for his age at the time, but Arthur and his sister could handle it and Uther knew it, that’s why he always pushed his children, and even though they sometimes complained, right now Arthur couldn’t be more grateful.

He had to rain check his meeting with Merlin twice, because he had to buy some time to study the basics of Computer Science and prepare his classes. Arthur even tried to get something out from Balinor, since he was one of those computer geniuses, like Merlin. His first class had gone reasonably well and now Arthur was putting his things inside his bag when he heard a knock on the door.

Arthur turned to see Merlin standing at the threshold, he had a thick book on one of his hands and the other waved awkwardly at Arthur. “Hi!”

“Merlin! Wasn’t expecting you.”

“I know,” Merlin said as he entered  without an invitation. “It’s almost like you’ve been avoiding me.”

“I don’t know what kind of relationship you had with Tristan, but let me tell you something.” Arthur closed his bag and put it on his shoulder, he walked towards Merlin and stopped in front of him, a few inches too close. “My life does not revolve around you, _Mer_ lin.” Which was basically a lie, giving his current assignment, but Merlin didn’t need to know that.

Merlin snorted. “You _wish_ your life was this nice,” he said gesturing up and down at himself; Arthur couldn’t help but laugh. “Seriously though, I’ve got deadlines coming out of my ears.” He pointed a finger at Arthur just as he opened his mouth. “Don’t you even dare.”

“Wasn’t even thinking about it,” Arthur lied.

“Yeah, like I believe that… But I really need to have this ready by the end of the year so… if this is a time of your convenience, your Highness.”  Merlin curtsied.

“Fine, fine… Let’s get something to eat first, though. I’m starving.” They left the classroom and Arthur locked the door behind him.

They ate sandwiches because it was faster, and Arthur paid for Merlin’s lunch. He had this weird feeling that he had to take care of Merlin and part of that was to put some meat on those skinny bones.

After lunch they found an empty study room in the library and Merlin showed Arthur the computer game he was developing as his final project. As Merlin started explaining the programing and codes he used Arthur realized he had no idea of what Merlin was talking about. He just hoped it didn’t show on his face.

“You seem a bit lost.” Merlin frowned at him.

“I just, uh.” There was no use trying to pretend so Arthur tried to be as honest as he could. “This is not really my area.” He worried at his bottom lip, shrugging. “But I thought I could help.”

* * *

 

Now that was unfair. How was Merlin supposed to say no to the lost puppy in front of him? Arthur seemed genuinely sorry for not being able to help; also he looked kind of adorable with that expression on his face.

Merlin was never one to kick puppies.

“That’s okay. You know, professor Tristan wasn’t much help either.” If she were there, his mother would probably have scowled at him for speaking ill of the dead. Actually, Merlin didn’t need his mom for that, he felt bad as soon as the words were out, even if it wasn’t a lie; Tristan was a friend. “I miss professor Cornwall.” Sighing, Merlin took the memory stick from the front pocket of his jeans. “I don’t have a lot of friends here and he was nice.” He shook his head. “Anyway, this is what he left for me.” He plugged the pen drive on his laptop. “It’s supposed to have some codes to help me finish the game, but it’s all encrypted. He never had the chance to show me what it was,” Merlin sighed frustrated. “It’s a lost cause.”

Arthur had a funny expression on his face; he was eyeing the memory stick as if it could have the answer to life, the universe and everything.

“Did you, uh – you couldn’t… you don’t know what’s in it?”

“No...” He stretched the word, frowning at Arthur’s stranger reaction. “It’s highly encrypted. I’m actually starting to think he gave me this by mistake, or something.”

“Surely not; maybe this is some kind of test? Whatever it is, it must be important, aren’t you curious?”

Merlin snorted. “Curiosity would be an understatement at this point. I’m dying to know what it is.” He ran a hand through his hair, and another idea came to him. “Did you know Professor Cornwall before? The way you talk about him…”

Arthur went quiet for a few moments; he scratched his jaw and looked everywhere but to Merlin. “We went to the same university.”

“Why do I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me, Arthur?”

This time Arthur’s answer was quick and more like him.

“Because apparently you have too much time in your hands, _Mer_ lin,” he smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “I might not know shit about your thing.” Arthur pointed at the screen of Merlin laptop. “But I _am_ more than qualified to sit here and make sure you do your work.”

* * *

 

Arthur thought his heart was going to fail him every time Merlin made any indication that he might be close to decoding the information on the thumb drive. But after a whole afternoon sitting on those uncomfortable chairs of the library they had to call it a day.

And that was only the first of many afternoons they spent together trying to figure those bloody codes out. There were times Arthur seriously thought it was all a waste of time, that Tristan was wrong or someone had fooled him. But every time he thought about giving it up he would look at Merlin and, really, it wouldn’t hurt to keep trying.

Although they were both concentrated on getting the job done – Merlin more than him, since he was the one who actually knew what they were doing – it wasn’t just work. They spent a lot of time talking – and again, it was more Merlin than Arthur, because there wasn’t much he could say without lying and he really didn’t want to lie to Merlin more than he had to.

Merlin had a heart of gold. He was one of the few people Arthur had met in his life that was actually, honest to god, good. He had helped his mother, getting jobs here and there ever since he was very young. And now, he confessed to Arthur he sent some of his scholarship money to her, even though he didn’t know if he was allowed to, and _oh, god please, don’t tell anyone, I can’t believe I just said that. You work here!_

Arthur had to reassure him – many times – that he wouldn’t tell a soul. Merlin relaxed after that, offering Arthur another one of those blinding smiles Arthur was beginning to long for every morning.

Life was getting so ordinary that between his classes and spending time with Merlin, Arthur only remembered he was on a mission when he had to debrief with The King. Uther, for his part, was everything but relaxed.

“Are you sure he is doing everything he can?” He asked Arthur one night, almost two months after Tristan’s death.

“I’m pretty sure, sir.” Arthur felt like he should defend Merlin. “With all due respect, father, he does have more things to do.”

Uther sighed; he rubbed at his eyes with his thumb and fore finger. He was trying not to lose his temper, something new to him. Arthur suspected that his father’s cardiologist had been giving Uther lectures about stress since his minor heart attack last year. Uther Pendragon was getting old and he hated it, he hated even more when people told him what to do. But he was trying, which was both a good and worrying sign to Arthur.

“I thought this was supposed to be a priority of his as well.” Before Arthur could say anything Uther continued. “There are lives at stake, Arthur. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of that. Medhir is a dangerous group. Emrys’ own life could be in danger.”

That threw a bucket of ice cold water on Arthur’s back. No one on their right mind would want to hurt Merlin, but Arthur couldn’t just think that terrorists had any common sense. He was going to have to make Merlin work faster, but that also meant he would be out of Merlin’s life sooner and that thought was surprisingly unsettling.

Morgana was waiting the elevator when Arthur left Uther’s office promising he was going to work faster; he suddenly realized how long it had been since they last talked to each other.

“Hey, stranger,” he said, bumping his shoulder on hers, a gesture he picked from Merlin.  She gave him a strange look, none of them being use to that kind of intimacy.

“I’m just going to pretend you didn’t just do that, for both our sakes,”  she said as the doors for the elevator opened in front of them and they stepped in.

“Come on; don’t tell me you didn’t miss me.”

“Gwaine and I stole condoms from your personal stash.”

Arthur eyed her horrified. He knew Morgana and Gwaine had a thing going, and that was already too much information, he really didn’t want to know anything else but that wasn’t what caught his attention.

“I told you to keep your paws off my stuff. My apartment is off limits, just as my room was when we lived in the same place.” Arthur had found a place to live that was close to the campus and for the time being that was his home. Which did not mean his flat could be violated, he explained to her.

“Don’t worry, we didn’t do anything _there._ I don’t want to catch your germs.”

“My house is cleaner than your nose,” he answered quickly as they headed to their cars. Morgana was looking funny at him again - and okay, maybe that wasn’t one of his best comebacks, but he blamed the lack of sugar on his system and her ability to bring the worse on him.

“There’s something different about you.” She narrowed her eyes. “You seem… happy.”

Arthur barked a laugh, he felt self-conscious for the way she was looking at him, remembering Morgana could read him like a book and often knew him better than Arthur knew himself.

“I’ll be happy if you stop going through my stuff.” He tried to break whatever thoughts were forming in her head, and it worked, because she snorted at that.

“Please! As if you were going to use them now – oh, my, god!” She gave him one of her evil smirks and that was when Arthur knew he had to get out of there before she completed whatever she was about to say.

He rushed to his car saying he was too tired for her ramblings and they would talk later; the last thing he heard before pulling the car was Morgana saying she would replace his stash. It could have been kindness, but that was Morgana and Arthur didn’t want to think about what she meant by that.

* * *

 

Merlin liked to think that he was a reasonable person. Well, except for that brief period when he was very young and he convinced himself and Will that he was a magician and that he could make it rain by mixing his moms cleaning products. He almost laughed at the memory; aside from his spell not working he still had to explain everything to mom. She didn’t find it funny at the time.

But now Merlin was an adult, one that believed in science instead of magic, one that didn’t believe in conspiracy theories. He didn’t even like James Bond movies – he had fallen asleep twice during the last one he had tried to watch. Either way, Merlin wasn’t stupid and he couldn’t shake the feeling that the bloke siting two sits behind him on the tube was following him.

He had first seen the man outside the store he had gone to buy Gwen her birthday present (a teddy bear, since she collected those), and that wouldn’t be suspicious if the man hadn't been reading the same page of yesterday’s paper for the past 20 minutes.

There was something edgy about the way he kept moving the paper from his face every now and again, just to peek at his surroundings. And Merlin didn’t want to feel paranoid but every time the man did that his eyes always landed on Merlin.

It was subtle and very quick, he would probably never have noticed if they were close, but the woman standing in front of Merlin had a purse with a huge metal logo which served as a mirror and he could see the man without being seen.

 _Don’t be ridiculous._ Merlin thought, trying to calm himself. That man wasn’t following him. Why would anyone follow Merlin? Anyone with eyes could see he had no money or anything useful to be stolen. Well, maybe his laptop, since any important work he had was either there or in one of his external hard drives, but none of those things were with him now. Really, he had nothing but a few changes on his pocket along with the flash drive and Gwen’s teddy bear, of course.

Deciding to prove himself wrong, Merlin rose from his seat, he was going to have to walk more than usual if he got off now, but he had time until his meeting with Arthur, and it was worth his peace of mind.

He managed to walk normally to the door and out, and then curiosity took the best of him and he looked back.

The man was a few meters from him. Their eyes met this time.

Merlin ran.

* * *

 

Never in his life had he wished he were a woman, until now. If he were girl he could hide in a restroom until someone came to save him. Being a bloke didn’t give him that option. If Merlin entered a restroom right now he would probably be cornered on a stall and killed.

At least his legs were long and still working pretty well, thank god. His lungs, on the other hand… he managed to get out of the tube station but the man was still after him, and Merlin was getting out of breath. People stared at him as he rushed pass them, but no one was offering to help, even though it was pretty clear he was being chased. Or did they think he was running from the police?

Merlin was going to pass out if he didn’t stop, he was feeling light headed. He entered the first shop he saw in front of him. It was a lingerie store. The old lady behind the balcony didn’t look very pleased by the way he entered her shop, but didn’t say anything.

Merlin turned to look at the street. He couldn’t see the man, but that was no guarantee he was safe. He fished his phone – oh right, he forgot this priceless device; maybe the man just wanted some lives on CandyCrush. It took him some time to make his fingers stop shaking long enough for him to dial Lance’s number.

* * *

 

Merlin was forty five minutes late.

Arthur couldn’t pace at the library, he couldn’t tap his fingers, he couldn’t hum or curse aloud. In fact he was sure; the librarian was just waiting for an excuse to kick him out.

Well, it wasn’t his fault Merlin sometimes told some ridiculous jokes that made Arthur laugh way too loud. If people would just listen to Merlin’s tales they would know Arthur was completely innocent, because there was no way he could keep a straight face at those stories. And okay, they should probably find somewhere else to work, but that library had already strangely become _their place_.

Arthur tried his best to avoid making eye contact with the old lady, Grunhilda, in case she decided she was done with his face and banned him from the premises forever.

His phone vibrated on his pocket. It was Merlin.

**_Sorry, I’m not feeling so well. Rain check?_ **

Arthur quickly type and answer saying that it was fine and asking what was wrong and how he could help, but then he hesitated. That might exceed their professor-student relationship. He deleted the message and sent a simple “ok, we’ll reschedule”. Then he thought that was too heartless and send a “u ok?” right after.

Merlin didn’t answer any of his texts.

* * *

 

“I still think you should call the police,” Gwen said again.

She had gone with Lance to pick Merlin at the lingerie shop and now the three of them were at Merlin and Lance’s dorm. Merlin had finally manage to stop shaking now that he had a warm cup of tea on his hands, he sip at the hot liquid to avoid having to answer.

“Maybe he was just trying to rob him, Gwen,” Lance said.

“And that makes it okay?!”

“Of course not-”

“Guys,” Merlin interrupted. They had being discussing that for a few minutes now, and Merlin was getting really tired of it. He just wanted to sleep and forget that moment. “If he was just looking for an easy target he wouldn’t have run after me,” he shook his head. “Besides, I had nothing of value. Only this,” he took the shop bag with the teddy bear and offered to Gwen. “Happy birthday.”

She took the bag and hugged him tightly. “Oh Merlin, thank you!” Gwen opened the bag and beamed at the plushy animal. “I’ll put on my shelf as soon as I get home.” She smiled at him for a few more seconds until she turned serious again. “Are you okay?”

 “‘M fine now… just tired.”

Gwen sighed. It was clear she still want to discuss, to insist on him going to the police, but Lance got to his feet and she followed him.

“I’m sure the campus is secure enough, but if you want me to stay,” he offered, but Merlin just shook his head again. “Ok, but call me if anything happen.”

“I will. Thank you, Lance.”

“Any time,” Lance said before leaving with Gwen.

Merlin looked at his phone. He contemplated answering Arthur, saying that he was fine, but he neither felt fine nor did he think Arthur really cared. Merlin was just another student, and Arthur’s question was probably just him being polite. Merlin put his phone on the nightstand and planted his head on the pillow, deciding he was done for the day.

* * *

 

Arthur met Merlin at the coffee shop the next day. It was morning and both of them had a free schedule so he decided to change scenarios for once. Merlin was already there, sipping his coffee from a large cup, a half-eaten croissant in front in front of him.

“Morning,” Arthur said, taking the chair in front of Merlin.

Merlin looked up from his laptop mumbling a ‘good morning’ and not quite smiling like he usually did. He seemed somewhat nervous.

“Are you okay? What happened yesterday?”

“I had a headache,” Merlin answered without looking up, he was a terrible liar and Arthur was about to say so when a car backfired on the street and Merlin drooped his coffee on the floor. All color had run from his face as he looked out to window.

“It’s just a car,” Arthur reassured him. “What’s got into you, today? You look all… jumpy.”

Merlin shook himself as if he was trying to get rid of whatever it was on his head. “Nothing, I just had a bad night. Look,” he turned his laptop towards Arthur to show his progress on his game as a man from the shop staff appeared with a mop and a bucket to clear the floor.

Since Merlin didn’t look so well Arthur decided not to mention the thumb drive and for once they worked – or rather Merlin did – on the actual game. Merlin showed Arthur and explained how it worked. It had a medieval theme, with knights and dragons. It looked pretty cool.

“Do you have a name for it already?” Arthur asked, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious and a perhaps a little bit excited to play it.

For the first time that day Merlin gave him a genuine smile. “You know, when I was a kid –”

“Oh, you mean yesterday,” Arthur interrupted, not being able to help himself.

“Shut up, prat,” Merlin responded in a lighthearted way. “Anyway, as I was saying; when I was a kid there was this book called _The Dragonlord_ about a generation of warriors who swore to protect the dragons  and–”

Merlin kept talking about the storyline of the book but Arthur was only half listening. The Dragonlord… so that was probably the source of Balinor’s strange codename. But why would he pick a codename from a kid’s book? It must be very important. _Did Balinor have a kid?_ Arthur wondered.

“… so I was thinking about contacting the publisher or maybe the author to see if I could use the name. What do you think?”

Arthur turned his full attention back to Merlin. “It sounds fitting; I think you should do just that,” he said with a smile.

* * *

 

“Arthur thought it was a good idea.”

“Yeah, I'm sure he did.”

They were in the middle of Gwen’s birthday party, which it was being held at one of the biggest sororities of Camelot. Gwen wasn’t actually part of it, but she was a sweetheart and everybody loved her so they offered the place for the party. Merlin suspected most of these people were only looking for an excuse to get together and get drunk.  He was passed tipsy, himself.

He had been telling Gwen and Lance about how Arthur liked his idea for the name of the game. And know they were both giving him knowing smiles.

“Oh no, no,” he shook his index back and forth to emphasize his point. “Don’t get any ideas. He’s just my professor.”

“You have a huuuuuge crush on him,” Gwen said, poking at Merlin’s chest.

“Ouch!” Merlin rubbed his hand at the place she had poked him. “I do not!”

“You do too.” This time it was Lance who pointed out, and Lancelot was completely sober so he might know what he was talking about.

Merlin sighed.

“Yeah, well…” he gave a hall shrug and hoped that could compass all he had to say, because his brain wasn’t very clear right now and he really didn’t feel like talking about it.

Lance seemed to understand it, bless him. He dragged Gwen to where people were dancing and told Merlin to go have some fun. And Merlin did. He danced a little and talked to some of the freshmen. It was past 2 a.m. when he finally left the party. Lance was spending the night with Gwen so Merlin didn’t have to wait for him to leave.

He heard footsteps, someone running behind him; towards him. There was no one else around, the street was empty. Merlin sat on the curb. He had no way to run and he couldn’t fight to save his life even when he was sober; but at least he had one thing, he was going to puke his guts out on whoever tried to attack him right now.

* * *

 

Arthur recognized him from afar. Merlin had a very distinct way of walking, which to all fairness, could only be described as drunk right now; but it was him nonetheless, all alone and drunk in the middle of the night.

Arthur shook his head. Careless. He remembered Merlin saying something about a birthday party, but he thought Merlin might have some more sense than that.  Or maybe Arthur was just being too paranoid because of the life he had. They were inside the campus, surely it was safe there; it had been one of the reasons he decided to go jogging at two in the morning, when he gave up trying to sleep.

Medhir had attacked a train station two nights ago. Or at least they had tried to; a security guard found the bomb before it exploded. And they decided to keep the incident off the media for now. But Uther was getting impatient, and Merlin still hadn’t decoded the drive.

Arthur was finding really hard to sleep with all of that in his mind.

He slowed his pace as he approached Merlin, who was now sitting on the sidewalk, looking a little sick.

“Fancy meeting you here.” Arthur adjusted his sweatpants and sat beside him. Merlin seemed to relax, probably because he recognized Arthur.

“I feel sick,” Merlin groaned.

“Don’t throw up on me.”

“I was going to,” Merlin admitted. “If you were here to kill me.”

“Good defense strategy: puke and run.” Merlin laughed and then groaned again. “Should I give you a lecture about drinking?”

“It would be very ironic, since I drank because you’re very hot and I’m very lonely – oh god!” Merlin put his head between his hands, hiding his face from Arthur.

Arthur for his part felt like his heart was beating too loud out of the sudden. He cleared his throat not knowing how to respond to that. Merlin got up, swaying a little on his feet. Arthur followed him.

“I don’t know what to say, I – I shouldn’t say anything.”

“Of course! I understand, I shouldn’t have said that.” Merlin didn’t look at him; he rocked on his heels and scratched the back of his head.

And it was such a bad idea; Arthur knew he shouldn’t follow that down that road. He should drop the subject. Merlin was drunk; he probably didn’t mean any of it. And yet, Merlin was gorgeous and nice and saying those things. Arthur was only human.

“It’s so unfair,” he complained, more to himself than to Merlin, but Merlin looked at him this time. “Since we’re laying down truths tonight, well – you do realize, well, you’re all adorable and… shit.”

“I should probably go home now.” Merlin had a dear-caught-in-the-headlights expression now.

“Yeah, me too,” Arthur agreed, he usually didn’t run way from things but this was one of those live to fight another day situations, he might blow everything if he stay another minute staring at Merlin’s lips.

He didn’t offer to accompany Merlin back to his dorm; he didn’t trust either of them that much. He stayed there until Merlin disappeared from his vision and then turned back home, he might as well do it like Merlin and drink himself to sleep.

* * *

 

It took Arthur some time to find a place desert enough for him to call Uther. He had being delaying his debriefs lately, partially because he didn’t have that much to say and part to avoid facing The King; Arthur told himself it was all in favor of his father’s heath, but really, he knew himself better than that. He couldn’t see Uther’s angry slash disappointed slash frustrated face over the phone.

But then again, who needed a face when Uther Pendragon could express himself pretty well by yelling on Arthur’s ear. Arthur could only squish an “I’m trying” and an “I know” between the brief pauses Uther took to take a breath.

He was so engrossed in their one sided conversation Arthur only notice Merlin when he was already sitting on the bench next to him.

“Have-to-go-dad-loveyou-bye,” he said in a hurry and put the phone back on his pocket.

“So, uh – Friday was embarrassing,” Merlin said, not quite looking at him, and for a moment Arthur was glad he didn’t seem to have eavesdropped, but then he realized what Merlin was talking about and felt a blush crawling its way up his face.        

“It was, very. Why are you bringing it back?”

“I don’t like unfinished business.” Arthur opened his mouth to respond but Merlin closed the distance between them and before Arthur could say anything Merlin’s lips were on his.

Arthur’s surprise was shortly lived. After their conversation that day and the fact that if Arthur was to be honest with himself they had been dancing around each other for some time now, so really, he forgot to be shocked and concentrated in pulling Merlin even closer, finally succumbing to the urge to bury his hands on Merlin’s hair. And it did feel just as good as he had thought it would.

Merlin was the one to break them apart. He rested his forehead on Arthur's, both of them breathing fast.

“Was that your way to _finish business_?” Arthur asked.

Merlin licked at his bottom lip, he chuckled. “Finished is not the word I’d use.”

* * *

 

So what if Merlin didn’t want to discuss their not yet stablished and probably not very legal – by school standards – relationship. Arthur seemed pretty okay with just the kissing and so they did that, a lot.

“It’s getting late,” Arthur said, pointing every word with a kiss. “This might not be very wise,” he laughed softly.

“Yeah, I think I should get going.” Merlin disentangled himself from Arthur and off the bench before he could think too much about it, the distance between them clearing his mind. “Well, uh –” he bit his lower lip. _What the hell were they doing?_

“I like you,” Arthur said, looking up at Merlin from the bench; his face was all flushed and his hair was all over the place. He looked adorable and younger than Merlin had ever seen him; his posture was relaxed, which was new. “I don’t know what to do.” Arthur ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

Merlin wasn’t sure what he meant by that, so he opted to just offer Arthur his most reassuring smile. If Arthur really liked him, then he wasn’t about to give this up that easily. He took a deep breath, he wouldn’t rush this.

“What do you think about pizza?”

Arthur raised an eyebrow at him. “In general or you’re asking me out?”

* * *

This was such a bad idea in so many levels, Arthur thought for the tenth time as he got ready for his date. He should be focusing on getting the mission done, not getting personal with Merlin.

 _Yeah, well._ He would like to see someone trying not getting personal with Merlin. He was so open and honest, how the hell does one stay unattached from a person who offers you everything they have like that. Not that Merlin was naïve or childish; if that was the case Arthur wouldn’t have a problem distancing himself.

And it wasn’t even just lust, which would have been easy to deal with, too. Arthur smiled to his reflection in the mirror. He was fucked, wasn’t he? A top of all the things, Merlin was a great friend. The only one Arthur had that wasn’t involved in lies and secrets.

They met in front of the place Merlin had recommended when Arthur said yes to his offer.

“You look nice,” Arthur complimented Merlin; he was rewarded with a light blush and an awkward smile followed by a rushed _you too._

The pizza was great and so was the company. For the first time they felt free to talk about things that weren’t related to Merlin’s project. Arthur found himself talking about Morgana and the things they were up to when they were kids, since that was one of the few things he could tell without having to lie to Merlin. For his part, Merlin told him about his childhood friend Will, who had passed away recently; he talked about Lance and Gwen, and his mom. He didn’t mention his father, except to say that he was out of the picture, but he didn’t sound bitter or sad when he said it, so Arthur assumed it wasn’t an issue to him.

Merlin kept telling Arthur all about his life with a smile on his face until he got to the part when he went to high school.

“I’m not going to ruin or night talking about that,” he took a sip from his coke. “Long story short, just think that I was – well, I _am_ – too skinny, too tall and gay… oh, and the ears,” he said facing his plate.

“I like your ears.” The words were out of Arthur’s mouth before he could think better of it. Merlin looked up at him and smiled again. Arthur could feel himself starting to blush. “I mean, uh… I couldn’t picture you with small ears; uh… it wouldn’t be you.”

Merlin chuckled, “Thanks, I guess.” He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “I’m too smart to the lot of them, anyway,” he joked, but they both knew he was right.

“That you are,” Arthur raised his coke. “To the smart boys.” Merlin raised his glass to toast with him.  His eyes were bright and he seemed so happy to be there with Arthur, it made Arthur’s chest feel a bit tight.

Arthur offered to walk Merlin back to his place, he took Merlin’s hand in an impulse; Merlin smile at him, but didn’t say anything.

“This is me.” They stopped in front of the building where Merlin lived. Arthur shuffled on his feet, not quite ready to let go of Merlin’s hand. “I’d invite you to come in, but I don’t live alone and plus someone could see you and, uh… I’m rambling.” He chuckled.

“Well, I’m not very worried about people’s opinions right now,” but of course Merlin would be, he had no idea Arthur’s job was just a cover, but Arthur was not thinking about that, not tonight. He stepped forward until they were toe to toe. Merlin was taller than him, which was endearing for some reason. Arthur put one hand on Merlin’s hip and used the other to pull Merlin towards him by the neck. “In fact, if anyone is looking for a show…” he whispered against Merlin’s lips and then closed the almost non-existent distance between them.

Merlin put both his arms around his neck; Arthur turned his head to get a better angle and bumped his nose on Merlin’s. They both laughed between the kiss.

“And I thought _I_ was clumsy.”

“Shut up, _Mer_ lin.”

* * *

Arthur got the Base the next day with a smile he couldn’t quite get off his face. He didn’t really have to be there, but he knew that if he stayed home he would overthink everything that had happened between him and Merlin and that wasn’t an option at the moment.

So he told himself things were okay and going according to plan, and headed to Base to see how things were going there. Neither Uther nor Balinor were there, when he arrived so he went to Morgana and Gwaine’s office. She was alone.

“Where’s everybody?” He asked, sitting on an armchair beside her. She was eating Chinese right out of the carton, and that was so not Morgana-like it made Arthur feel uncomfortable. “And what’s with the stress-eating?”

“Exactly _that,_ ” she pointed to Arthur with the chopsticks. “I’m stressed.” She took one last bite before putting the carton on the desk, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “Uther and Balinor went to some meeting I don’t have the clearance to know about and Gwaine… Gwaine is our brand new Knight.” The bitterness on her voice could have been passed as jealousy to anyone who didn’t know her better.

Of course she was mad about being left out on the details about Uther’s meeting, but Morgana had been brought up in that world, she knew how things worked, she understood hierarchy. Arthur realized she was worried about Gwaine.

“He’ll be fine. I’m sure he was dying to stretch out his legs and see the world,” he tried to joke but Morgana was having none of it; she shook her head.

“I don’t know Arthur; he’s not good with people – or rather, he’s too good for his own sake. And we both know he can’t control that big mouth of his.” She sighed, getting out of the armchair she threw the carton in the trash can and then just stop at the middle of the room. “Is bad enough that I already have to worry about _your_ sorry arse.”

“ _Morgana._ I never knew you care.” He got up too and stood in front of her. “He’ll be fine, we’ll catch these guys.”

She smirked. “And then who catches the next guys? Oh, that’s right, us again.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm, and though it wasn’t knew, Arthur could still see that something was different. “This will never end, will it? Not for us.”

This time there was no smirks or sarcasm in her tone; Arthur didn’t know how to respond to that. He had thought about it, too. Especially lately, he had been thinking about it more and more since he got to know Merlin better. They were raised in that life, they were trapped there. And Merlin wasn’t part of that life.

His shoulders sagged; he should get away from Merlin.

“Arthur, you’re okay?” She put a hand on his forearm and squeezed gently. They weren’t huggers, that was the closest they had to it.  He thought about telling her about Merlin, but he couldn’t expose his mission.

“I might have compromised the mission,” was all he could say.

“Permanently?” she asked sympathetically.

“No, I can still do it.”          

“Then you better be fast, brother.”

* * *

If anyone asked Merlin what his classes had been about that day he wouldn’t know how to answer. He really tried to pay attention to the first one in the morning, but his thought kept drifting back to Arthur and after an hour or so he gave up.

It wasn’t like it would make much difference anyway, and he was sure that if he picked up a pencil he would probably start drawing little hearts on his notebook. He almost laughed at the thought and decided it was a funny enough idea to share it with Arthur; so he took his phone from his pocket and texted Arthur.

**How bad would it be if I drew our names inside a heart on my notebook?**

He didn’t think Arthur would respond so quickly but he did.

**Only if the heart is pink, do you have a pink pen?**

This time Merlin did laugh – too loud. His professor glared at him. And they kept exchanging texts; sometimes Arthur would take longer to respond but they talked for most of the day. They had agreed on pulling off their meeting for the rest of the week since Merlin had a test to study for.

The next day Merlin _did_ pay attention to his classes and even manage to find time to work on the flash drive once he got bored with his studies. By the end of the afternoon he was tired of staring at codes, so he packed his things and headed home…

And the black SUV was there again. Merlin wondered if the bloke behind the wheel thought he was being subtle. He had probably picked that move from films. Well, Merlin saw them too; he tried to walk as normally as he could. This would be the second time – that Merlin knew of – the car had followed him. Which was actually the third, counting with the crazy guy from the subway.

Merlin didn’t remember doing anything that would make people want to do whatever this people wanted to do with him. Had he accidentally hacked some government’s website while doing his homework? He almost did that once, but no one had turned up at his doorstep, so he didn’t know what to make of this. All he knew was that people were following him, they knew where he lived and Merlin was getting scared. He was going to call the police when he got home.

Once he got home he found Lance pulling at his own hair, staring at his laptop with a frustrated face, his face lit up when he saw Merlin.

“Oh, thank heavens! Can you fix this?” He turned the computer towards Merlin; the screen was blue and full of messages and codes. “I think it’s a virus.”

Merlin took the laptop from Lance and sat on his own bed; it was a virus, indeed. “Good news is that it can be saved.” Lance sighed in relief but Merlin continued before he could get too happy. “I only hope you didn’t use this to access anything important, people usually use viruses like this to steal info like passwords and – _that’s it!_ ”

“Merlin, why are you happy people are stealing my passwords?” Lance asked, giving Merlin a confused look.”

“Oh, no; it has nothing to do with you.” He gave the laptop back to Lance, it was rebooting and it would survive.  Merlin took his own computer from his backpack. “If I can create a virus like this, I can probably hack the encryption on the flash drive.” He told Lance, he was aware he was probably grinning like a lunatic, but he could help it.

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying, but go ahead. I’ll leave you to it.”

Merlin barely registered Lance leaving, so engrossed he was on building the virus. It shouldn’t be difficult, but Merlin had never done one so he wasn’t sure how to start. And then he remembered he had to make a phone call first; he took his phone and dialed the number.

“Arthur? Hi… yeah, I think I discover a way to decode the drive.”

* * *

Arthur was at the university when Merlin called so he said he would come by in about half an hour, and true to his word, he was there half an hour after Merlin’s call. And right on time, too, since it started to rain as soon as Merlin let him in.

“Perfect timing,” Merlin said, kissing Arthur hello.

“Everything about me is perfect.”  Arthur replied against his mouth.

“All but your attitude,” Merlin tried, not very hard, to get out of Arthur’s arms; Arthur tight his grip on him.

“But you love it anyway.” He kissed Merlin again, longer and with a lot more tongue this time and was Arthur… Now, Merlin might be a virgin but he wasn’t stupid. He took one of his hands off Arthur’s hair and slid down between them.

“Are you _this_ happy to see me or there’s something in your… pocket.” It _was_ something in his pocket, a mobile, but not Arthur’s. Merlin stared at it. He knew that phone; he had made fun of it every time he saw on Cornwall’s hands. It was at least ten years old and it amused Merlin that someone who dealt with high tech on a daily basis would cling to such an old piece. 

“Merlin?”

He heard Arthur but he couldn’t take his eyes off the phone; he stepped away from Arthur’s grip and this time he didn’t offer any resistance. Merlin turned the old Motorola on his hands. It was the same piece, he was sure of it.

“How… why, why do you have professor Cornwall’s phone?” He frowned at Arthur, who looked to be frozen where he stood. And suddenly Merlin remembered he was going to call the police, and he remembered why; the people following him.

A cold feeling ran down Merlin’s spine. He swallowed hard.

“Please, leave,” he said in a small voice, offering the phone back to Arthur. The rain outside increased.

“Merlin, whatever you’re thinking –” Arthur began, and then he sighed, “I wish I could explain this, but I can’t. _I can’t_.” He took a step forward and Merlin gave one back.

“What do you people want with me?” His voice was shaking, he was starting to panic. He wanted to run but Arthur was blocking the door.

But Arthur just stared at him with a confused expression. “Wha – what _people_?” He took another step towards Merlin and this time Merlin took the opportunity to bypass him and get to the door, but Arthur was faster than him and grabbed his wrist. “What people?”

“How the fuck should I know?” If he was about to die anyway, Merlin wasn’t going to hold his tongue. “ _Your_ people, the ones following me around in black cars and chasing me on the subway.”

“Someone’s been following you? Why didn’t you tell me?” Arthur shook his arm and Merlin yelped in pain. “Sorry… god” he let go of Merlin’s wrist to pace in front of him. “They know you have it. _God!_ I thought you were safe.”

Merlin could have run now, he probably should; but curiosity got the best of him. “I don’t understand,” he whispered. “Who are you?”

Arthur laughed, but there was no humor on it. “This is going to sound insane but I am – I am a secret agent.” And then Arthur proceeded telling him all about how Tristan was also an agent and they needed Merlin to get some sort of information from the thumb drive Cornwall had given him.

Merlin ran a hand to his hair, he felt sick. “You used me,” he shook his head in disbelief. “I fell for you, and you were only using me.”

“No, no,” Arthur reach out but Merlin stepped back.

“Don’t touch me!”

Arthur raised his hand in surrender. “Okay… but you have to listen. This,” he gestured between them. “I didn’t _plan_ this. Whatever it is that you’re feeling I do, too. Believe me.”

Merlin snorted. “That’s the last word you should be using right now, Pendragon. If that it’s even your name.” and even though it was his house, Merlin couldn’t stand to be around Arthur any longer, so he turned his back and ran away.

                                  


	2. Chapter 2

It was such a stupid thing, he had totally forgotten about Tristan’s phone. He only remembered about it that morning and shoved on his pocket to take it back to Base but he never got that far. Arthur rested his head against the window and closed his eyes. And to think for a moment there Merlin had been afraid of him. Arthur couldn’t blame him.

Merlin was being followed. Medhir was after him, and that bloody idiot hadn’t told anyone. He hadn’t told _Arthur_. But then again, why would he? To Merlin, Arthur was just a professor, and when Arthur was just beginning to think he could be more than that…

“Fuck!” he banged his head against the window.

“How about not breaking my car,” Gwaine joked beside him.

“You know, when I told you to bring me a car I wasn’t asking for you to come along,” Arthur said without opening hi eyes.

“But you sounded so miserable, princess. And now that we are both knights I thought I could help.”

“Well, you were wrong.”

They followed the rest of the journey in silence after that. Gwaine brought them back to the building where the Avalon agents lived. Arthur just wanted to lock himself inside his bedroom and regret every single thing he did that year.

He was about to step out of the elevator when Gwaine stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, Arthur,” Arthur turned to look at him; much like Morgana Gwaine –for all his jokes – knew when to be serious. “If you need someone to talk to,” Arthur opened his mouth but Gwaine shook his head, speaking before Arthur could do. “Fuck clearance, if you need to talk, you know where to find me, or your sister.”

Arthur felt a lump in his throat, he nodded. Gwaine squeezed his shoulder before letting him go. Arthur didn’t get as far as his front door. As soon as he entered his flat he closed the door and slid down against it, sitting on the floor, he brought his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs, burying his face between them.

He had never felt so much like a failure his whole life.

* * *

 

 _Arthur was a lying arsehole._ Arthur was a lying arshole who worked for the Queen to defend the country from terrorists. Merlin wanted to be mad, and really, he was, but the more he thought about it the more he felt like an idiot.

Surely, Arthur’s methods were terrible, and he _was_ and arrogant prat, but he was also working for the greater good and all that shit… It made Merlin feel confused about his feelings.

Was Arthur that good of a liar? Because he seemed to genuinely enjoy their time together. Merlin groaned in frustration. Lance had stayed at Gwen’s because of the rain, so since he was alone and wouldn’t bother anyone, Merlin got out of bed and turned the lights on.

He booted up his laptop and decided to at least work on his virus, if anything it would keep his mind busy and tire his body enough so he would have a dreamless night, if he slept at all.

Merlin worked all night, when he finally closed the lid of the laptop the sun was beginning to peek from the clouds. Merlin looked at the clock on his nightstand; he could probably sleep for an hour or two before going to class. He looked at the flash drive, the virus was ready but Merlin had no idea if it would work. It could erase all the data in the drive; it was a risk Merlin wasn’t willing to take, not right now.

He crawled his way back to bed and fell asleep before his head hit the pillow.

* * *

 

Arthur was outside Uther’s flat and knocking on the door as soon as he thought his father would be awake. He hadn’t been able to sleep that night, but thankfully Uther was an early raiser and a morning person at heart.

“Arthur?” Uther said, surprised. He was still wearing a robe; Arthur could smell the fresh coffee and toast, his father had been living alone for so long he disliked the thought of a housekeeper and preferred doing all his chores himself. “Come in. Did something happen?”

“Where did you find Merlin?” Arthur felt wrong inside his own skin; the lack of sleep was wearing on him, so he thought the best course of action was to be straight.

“That’s classified. Coffee?” Uther turned his back to Arthur and went back to the kitchen. Arthur followed him.

“He knows who I am.” That made Uther’s attention snap back to him; he stared at Arthur with wide eyes. “He’s being followed, he’s scared… and god help me father, I’m in love with him.”

Arthur felt like the rest of his energy had just left him, he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. His father just stared at him for a long time and then he finished his coffee, pouring some to him and then to Arthur.

Arthur took it, the hot liquid making his thoughts clear.

“Oh, my,” Uther sighed next to him. Arthur expected him to explode, to tell him how Arthur was such a disappointment and how Arthur had failed him, but Uther did none of those things. “Are you sure?”

Arthur nodded.

 “Tristan went to Balinor first, with the flash drive.” Uther sat on a chair in front of him but Arthur couldn’t bear to move just yet. “Balinor commented to Tristan about his kid being smarted than him and that he could probably crack it in an hour or so. It was the first time he said something that personal to someone other than me. Tristan was the one who told me when some time had passed and Balinor didn’t manage to get the information.”

“But – I thought he didn’t know about it, about the mission.”

“He didn’t. Tristan wasn’t sure about what the contents were at the time, so I told him to keep quiet.” Arthur was having a hard time processing all that information, he blinked several times and drank more coffee to try and shake the numbness. “And when he told me what Balinor had said about his kid… I knew he had left a woman and a child when he came to work with me.”

“Merlin,” Arthur said, more to himself than to his father. His thoughts went back to the day Merlin told him about the name of his game and the Dragonlord book.

“I made some research,” Uther went on. “They don’t have his last name but it wasn’t hard to find. Especially since Balinor had been keeping track on them himself.” Uther refiled his mug and sat down again. “It turned out Merlin Emrys; a computer scientist was just the person I needed.”

Arthur might not be on his prime right now, but he could still put two and two together. “That’s why you told me not to put him in danger. You dragged Balinor’s child into this,” he shook his head. “Didn’t you ever think there was a reason why he left his family in the first place?”

And again to Arthur surprise his father just sighed.

“You know, son, you might have a point.”

* * *

 

Merlin surprised even himself when he managed to go about his day as if nothing had happened. He had his last test that day and left the classroom with a good feeling about it. Not even the lack of proper sleep bothered him as much as he thought it should have.

All of that meant his brain was working just fine, which meant it could multitask, that is, while it went by his normal day, a corner of his mind was reserved especially to think about Arthur. It was so fucking frustrating. That Merlin could still think about him even when he was focused on his _own_ life and problems.

On the bright side, no one was following him today – which kind of made Merlin think that it was because Arthur wasn’t around - but still, something didn’t feel right. Merlin soon found out why, when Lance called and told him get home immediately.

Someone had broken into their dorm.

When Merlin got there, all of his and Lance’s things were scattered on the floor, both their mattresses where torn from the beds along with the drawers and its contents. Lance was staring at the room from the threshold, his arms crossed over his chest.

“We should have called the police,” he said without turning to look at Merlin.

Merlin felt guilty, Lance had nothing to do with this mess, but then again, neither did he. His thoughts drifted to Arthur again, only this time they were more practical. He went to his bed and crouched beside one of its legs, the wood was hollow there, something Merlin had discovered a few days ago. After last night, he thought he should hide the flash drive better, so he had opened a hole on the inside of his bed’s leg and put it there. Merlin retrieved and put it in his pocket.

“Not yet.” And this time Lance did look at him, he eyed Merlin as if Merlin had grown a second head.

“You cannot be serious.” But Merlin was already making plans and ignored Lance’s statement.

“I have an idea.” He started picking his clothes from the floor; he spotted a duffle bag and shoved the clothes in it. “Take your stuff, go stay with Gwen. I’m sure her mate won’t mind,” Merlin shrugged.  

“And what about you?” Lance asked as he too started to take everything he would need and Merlin was just glad his friend trusted him that much.

“I’m staying with Arthur.”

* * *

 

Arthur felt more like a human again after he went back to his apartment and showered. He thought back on his conversation with Uther, it had been the first time that Arthur remembered him admitting being wrong. It didn’t feel as good as Arthur thought it would.

Uther was only human after all, and he was getting old and tired; that heart attack made him remember that. He told Arthur he was going to retire after this last mission; that was the reason why he went after Merlin. It was a desperate measure. The King wasn’t so mighty anymore; before Arthur left his place Uther promised him he would inform Balinor of everything.

Arthur was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling when he heard a soft knock on his bedroom door, and suddenly Morgana was entering his room and sitting on the bed next to him.

“Gwaine told me what happened, or at least what he thinks it did.”

Arthur snorted. “Yeah, I have a feeling his version is not very accurate.”

And so Arthur told her everything. He didn’t look at Morgana as he spoke, only after he finished was that he sat up in the middle of the bed, folding his legs underneath him. Morgana turned to face him; she hadn’t made a comment until now, listening patiently to Arthur’s story.

She looked uncertain for a moment and then shook her head; it seemed like she had made her mind. “I’m late,” she said and Arthur wished he could play dumb, but the look on her face was so lost he couldn’t joke about it. He knew exactly what she meant by that, and suddenly her unusual behavior from the last few weeks made perfect sense.

“How long?” he asked.

“Long enough to be sure.” She shook her head and when she looked back at Arthur he could see her eyes were red. “I’m scared, Arthur. I mean… after everything you said I’m  certainly grateful for having father always close to us, but look at the kind of life we had. And then--” she shook her head again, looking at him helplessly. “What’s the alternative?” _To abandon your own, like Balinor did?_ She left unsaid but Arthur could see it in her eyes.

He took both her hands between his and squeezed. “We’ll deal with this together, like we always do,” he promised.

She gave a watery laugh, taking one of her hands from Arthur’s and shoving him lightly. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had larger stash of condoms,”  she joked, wiping her eyes.

Arthur chuckled. “You ruined the moment.” She snorted and they both laughed aloud. Arthur was glad; at least this part of his life was intact. At least he still had this, he still had Morgana.

They were still laughing when Balinor followed by Uther stormed into to his apartment. And Arthur had been undercover long enough to forget the people he worked with had no sense of privacy. Morgana and him got up from the bad and went to the living room where the older men were arguing.

“You had no right to drag him into this, Uther. _No right,_ ” Balinor was saying when they got there. He was pointing angrily at Uther, but they were apart enough that it didn’t seem like they would get into a fist fight. And just like that Balinor turned his back to Uther and attacked Arthur. Of course he wasn’t fighting Uther; he was saving his punch for Arthur.

He had years of training on Arthur, so it wasn’t a surprise that Arthur couldn’t duck in time to avoid the blow. Balinor’s fist connected with his jaw and the momentum made Arthur loose his balance; he felt to the floor.

Arthur glared at him as he got to his feet; Morgana was now standing between them and Uther was just staring at the scene in disbelief.

“You abandoned him,” Arthur said after some time.

Balinor shook his head.“I just wanted them to be safe.”

“ _Safe?_ You gave up on your family,” Morgana said, and she put and hand on her belly as she spoke. Arthur was pretty sure she didn’t even notice she doing it.

 “I couldn’t bring them to this,” Balinor replied. “Couldn’t ask Hunith to drop everything and follow me to this life with a small child on her arms like –”

“Like I did,” Uther completed.

“Well, at least father brought his family with him,” Morgana said in an angry voice.

“You don’t understand,” Balinor whispered; it seemed as if all fight had ran from him, but Arthur couldn’t feel sorry for the man. Not when he knew Merlin so well, how could anyone abandon him? But then Arthur remembered he too had abandoned Merlin and lied to him. He had left Merlin alone after knowing Merlin was being watched by terrorists.

Arthur’s mobile rang, it was Merlin. Arthur sighed in relief. “Merlin, thank god! I was just thinking about you.” He could feel all the eyes on the room were on him but nobody said a word and Arthur ignore them.

 _“I’m so fucking mad at you_ ,” Merlin said over the line. Arthur didn’t try to defend himself; he just waited for Merlin to continue. _“But being mad at you won’t help any of us right now. Listen, you have to come pick me up. Now. I’m at the library.”_

He hung up before Arthur could say anything. Arthur heard Uther and Balinor asking him what Merlin had said.

“He told me to pick him up. I’m bringing him here.”

Balinor look ready to argue but Morgana stopped him before he could. “Arthur’s in charge now,” she said. “We do as he says.”

“Uther?” Balinor said, and even Arthur was curious to hear what his father had to say about that. Uther had kept quiet all that time, he then looked at each one of them before his eyes stopped on Arthur and he said,

“It looks like you are our new King.”       

* * *

 

“Say, I’m willing to help you,” Merlin said when he entered Arthur’s car. “Because I don’t want to betray my country or die horribly, so _you_ are going to protect me if you want my help.”

“Of course,” Arthur nodded. They made the whole journey – which was longer than Merlin had imagined – in silence. Merlin was beginning to think they were probably going to some sort of secret location, but then Arthur entered the garage of a very common building in middle of downtown. Merlin got off the car and followed Arthur to the elevator.

“Merlin, I don’t want to lie to you anymore,” Arthur said as they entered the lift.

Merlin couldn’t help but to laugh. “Well, that’s an improvement.”

“No, I meant there’s something else you should know.” Arthur took a deep breath, he pushed a button on the panel and the lift stopped. “You have to believe me, I didn’t know about it, not this.”

Merlin crossed his arms, giving Arthur his best impatient gaze. “Didn’t know about what?”

“You asked me how I had found you and – long story short – it was Balinor.” Arthur had a pained expression on his face. “He is alive, Merlin.”

* * *

 

“Well, uh, good for him.” Merlin uncrossed his arms and pressed the button to Arthur’s floor. “Can we get going, now?” And Arthur would be amazed Merlin had paid attention when they entered but right know he was more puzzled by Merlin’s strange reaction.

“Did you hear what I just said?” Arthur asked as they got to his floor and stepped out of the lift.

“Yes, Arthur. I did.”

“And you have nothing to say?” He stopped in front of his door, opening it and letting the both of them in. “I just told you your father’s alive.”

Merlin frowned at him. “What are you talking about? Balinor’s not father.”

“I’m officially confused.” He sat on the sofa and Merlin sat next to him, putting his bags on the floor in front of them. Arthur told Merlin about what he had discovered that day. “You know, the whole Dragonlord thing – that’s his code name, by the way - and then he punched me on the face.” Arthur shook his head. “It seemed pretty obvious.”

“Yeah, you’re wrong again.” Merlin’s smile to him for the first time since he found who Arthur was. “Balinor was mom’s boyfriend, they had been dating since before I was born, but he’s not my dad.” Merlin took his laptop front the backpack. “Mom never told me why they broke up, but then, I was just five; she wouldn’t talk about those things with me.” He typed something and then hooked the memory stick on the side of the laptop. “Guess the whole secret service thing kind of explains it.”

“So who’s your father then?” Arthur asked, that story was more complicated than he ever thought.

Merlin smirked at him in a way Morgana used to. “The devil.”

“You’re pulling my leg.”

“Kind of,” Merlin laughed. “Mom was kind of wild when she was my age.” Merlin turned his attention back to the computer as he spoke. “One day she went to a costume party; she was a medieval princess and she met a bloke dressed in a devil costume. Horns and everything,” he shrugged. “She said that’s all she remembers. She was pretty drunk.”

“And it doesn’t bother you?”

“Not really. She started dating Balinor a few months before I was born, and for some time I had a dad and it was nice and everything. But mom’s love was always enough for me.” He smiled sweetly.

“You’re a better person than I thought,” Arthur said in a small voice. “And I already thought you were brilliant.”

“We’re not so different on that, actually. You told me you were raised only by your father.” Arthur returned his smile but it was brief and he felt sad again.

“Do you think you can forgive me, Merlin?”

“I don’t know, Arthur,” Merlin whispered back to him. They stared at each other for a long time, and then Merlin cleared his throat and turned the computer so Arthur could see the screen. He explained to Arthur how he had created a virus that could help them get what they wanted, only Merlin used a bunch of technical terms which were completely alien to Arthur, but he was sure he got the main idea.  “It’s not as complicated as it sounds,” Merlin said probably because he noticed Arthur’s lost expression. “We just have to wait and see what happens. We will either succeed or lose everything inside the flash drive, but go hard or go home, right?”

Arthur couldn’t stop staring at him; he was amazed by Merlin, had been since the day they met. The big blue eyes and easy grin were only the tip of the iceberg of things that made Arthur fall for him.

“You’re staring,” Merlin broke the silence, a slight blush surging on his cheekbones as he averted his gaze from Arthur’s.

“You’re amazing,” Arthur said and Merlin shrugged, he seemed embarrassed, as if he wasn’t used being complimented. Arthur thought back to one of their conversations about the past, he remembered Merlin saying he used to be the bullies' favorite target in high school. It made Arthur want to punch each and every one of those stupid kids. Didn’t they see how special Merlin was? 

“Please, tell me you forgive me?” He asked, his voice not louder than a whisper.

“Why?” Merlin asked as he placed the laptop on the coffee table in front of them.

“Cause I really want to kiss you right now and I can’t do it if you’re mad at me.” Arthur felt nervous out of the sudden; Merlin was looking directly at him again. “You might not even want it.”

Merlin leaned back against the sofa, throwing his head back he sighed deeply. Arthur didn’t know what to make of that reaction, he was half expecting Merlin to tell him to fuck off, and that he would never want anything to do with Arthur once this was done. He even expected Merlin to laugh at his face. Arthur had always felt insecure about feelings, until meeting Merlin he had only ever truly cared for his father and sister, now every once in a while he found himself thinking about the class he was teaching, Merlin’s friends, whom he never met but kept hearing stories about. Arthur’s world used to be so small before Merlin.

“You know, sometimes I think I’m magic,” Merlin said, looking at the ceiling. And then he turned to look at Arthur. “I feel like I can practically _hear_ you thinking.” Merlin slid closer to Arthur, folding one leg beneath his him. “You’re blaming yourself for everything, and feeling like the biggest, undeserving, clotpole one the universe.”

“That’s not a real word,” Arthur said, and if his voice waved a little he hoped Merlin wouldn’t notice.

Merlin chuckled softly, and suddenly his face was inches from Arthur’s. “I’m still mad,” he whispered. “But I like you too much to let you dwell on self-pity.” He smiled. “Kicked puppy doesn’t suit you, Arthur.” And then Merlin closed the gap between their mouths.

He held Arthur’s face with both his hands, licking at Arthur’s lips until they opened to his tongue. Arthur ran his hands on Merlin’s back, all the way down then up again. One of Merlin’s hands was on his hair while the other had found its way under Arthur’s shirt, his hand was cold on Arthur’s too hot skin, but he wouldn’t trade that for the world.

They kept exploring each other’s bodies with hands and mouths. Arthur was completely fascinated with Merlin’s neck; he kissed and nipped at the tender skin there. Merlin shivered under him. With his hands now on Merlin’s hips, Arthur brought both of them down on the sofa, covering Merlin’s body with his own. He pulled apart for a moment to take in the image in front of him, Merlin’s bright eyes, his shy smile, his hair was a mess, his face was red and his t-shirt wrinkled.

Arthur had never seen anything so perfect.

“You’re beautiful.” Merlin blushed even harder after that, he covered his face with both hands and shook his head.

“‘M virgin,” his voice was muffled but Arthur thought that was what he had said. He tugged gently at Merlin’s wrists until he uncovered his face, he looked mortified. “I know I am –”

“Merlin”                            

“…too old –”

“ _Mer_ lin,” this time he stopped. Arthur smiled and Merlin relaxed under him. “I was homeschooled,” Arthur laughed. “Until I turned 18 my only friend was my sister.” He brought a hand to caress Merlin’s cheek, his thumb stopping at the bottom lip.

Merlin grabbed his shirt pulling Arthur closed to him again. “Was that a pep talk?” He smirked. “Should I be glad you were as much as nerd as I am?”

“Shut up, Merlin. I’m trying to be sentimental here.” He tugged at the hem of Merlin’s t-shirt. “And don’t think I’m not able to read you as well; using sarcasm to cover the fact that you’re nervous.” Merlin was biting at his lower lip but didn’t look away. “Do you want this?”

Merlin nodded, he raised his arms and Arthur pulled his t-shirt off, discarding it behind the sofa. Merlin helped him with his own set of clothes, and Arthur’s shirt and belt met the same destiny. Arthur hooked Merlin’s long legs on each side of his hips; he put his hands under Merlin and lifted them both from the couch, Merlin’s arms around his neck. And even though Merlin was skinny, it was still tricky for Arthur to carry him to the bedroom, especially since Merlin kept distracting him by kissing every bit of skin he could put his mouth on.

When they finally made it to Arthur’s bed, they resumed to their original position; only now Arthur had a lot more space to explore each and every inch of Merlin’s body. What Merlin lacked in experience he certainly made up for in eagerness, he pulled at Arthur’s hair to gain more access to his neck, arching his body up as Arthur pressed his own further down, causing both of them to moan.

“Fuck!” Arthur breathed, he had forgotten something.

“What?”

“My bloody sister used all my condoms.”

Merlin laughed, his breath hot against Arthur’s cheekbone. “Mate, that sounds so wrong.”

“I’m sorry if my brain is not working very well at the moment, Merlin.” He stopped to plant a few kisses on Merlin’s chest, because how could he not? “We just won’t be able to do everything I want to today.” Arthur kept kissing Merlin from his chest down to his belly bottom, where he stopped to look up at Merlin. And what he saw took Arthur’s breath way. Merlin was looking at his through his long lashes, and really – beautiful couldn’t even begin to describe him. He smiled at Arthur, combing Arthur’s hair with his fingers.

“But it doesn’t mean it can’t be fun, right?”

Arthur lowered his head and kissed the inside of Merlin’s thigh, before looking up at him again. “Right,” he smiled.

* * *

 

The rain outside woke Merlin up. He felt disoriented for a while, he wasn’t home, he was naked and a bit sticky and he was lying on top of someone. The world made no sense until he finally opened his eyes. He was with Arthur, on Arthur’s bed. Merlin turned his face up to look at him; he was still asleep. He wondered if the expression on Arthur face was what people called ‘sex bliss’ or if Arthur was just more relaxed on his sleep. Like normal people were.

But Arthur wasn’t exactly what one would call _normal_ , Merlin thought. The man was an actual secret agent fighting terrorists and defending the country. Merlin felt like laughing. _Did he just shag James Bond?_

“I don’t even like Homeland,” he muttered under his breath.

Arthur moved under him. “It’s not very accurate, anyway.” He yawned, raising both his arms above his head in a lazy stretch.

Merlin sat so that he could look at Arthur. “What’s accurate then? Fake identities, fake names?”

Arthur shook his head. “We don’t use fake names, it’s really hard to create a fake identity and it always leaves trails. We don’t need to cover ourselves when people don’t even know we exist in the first place.” He sat with his back against the headboard. “We do have code names, though. They’re chess related,” he explained to Merlin, telling about Balinor and his _Dragonlord_ name; it made sense why Arthur had thought they were related.

“Okay,” Merlin said after Arthur finished.” But if your dad is the King… who’s the Queen?”

“The Queen is _The Queen_ , Merlin.”

“Oh!”

Arthur took a pillow from behind him and threw it at Merlin’s chest. “Feeling dumb, Smarty Pants?” Merlin laughed, throwing the pillow back to Arthur, only he aimed for the head. He got off the bed and started looking around for his clothes, he put back his boxer briefs and Arthur asked where he was going.

“We should check on the virus.” Merlin found more of their clothing as he went back to the living room, he put on Arthur’s shirt and sat on the floor in front of his laptop. Merlin heard some distant sounds and soon the smell of coffee filled the air around him. A few minutes later Arthur – fully dressed - joined him, he had two mugs on his hands and offered one to Merlin before sitting on the sofa.

“I’m out of tea, too.”

“That’s fine. I prefer coffee, anyway.” Merlin took a sip and put the mug on the table.  He took the flash drive off and hooked it back again, a black screen appeared when he tried to access it, and seconds later a series of codes ran down the page, the last line had a password, which Merlin deleted. He rewrote some other lines of the code then pressed enter. The screen turned back to normal, there was only one file inside the memory stick, a Word document. Merlin opened it.

It was a list with names and addresses.

Arthur leaned closer to him. “Bloody hell.” He scrolled down the page. “It’s all here.” He turned to Merlin. “You did it!” And he looked so happy that Merlin had to kiss him. The kiss went on for a while until Arthur groaned and pulled away, resting his forehead on Merlin’s. “I have to get that to The King.”

“Wait.” Merlin’s bags were still there, he shuffled through his pockets until he found another pen drive. He made a copy of the list and saved the file on the new device. “Here,” he handed it to Arthur, who took it and put it in his pocket.

“I’ll be right back.” He kissed the top of Merlin’s head and then stared down at his body.

“You should keep that shirt,” he smirked. “Just that.”

“Kinky, aren’t we?” And Merlin could still hear Arthur's laugh until he entered the elevator.

* * *

 

It hadn’t been fifteen minutes since Arthur had left, but Merlin was already bored. Arthur’s flat had a severe lack of personal touch, it looked more like a show room than an actual home, which made Merlin feel sad for some reason. He wondered if it was part of the job, if getting attached to people or showing personal interest was considered a weakness within the spy community.

Either way, Merlin was bored. He suspected Arthur wouldn’t like much if he went wandering around the building, and for his part, Merlin had no desire to go outside, not when there were people out there after him. Merlin only hoped Lance was safe with Gwen. But why wouldn’t he be safe, the flash drive wasn’t with him.

And just as that thought crossed his mind, Merlin sat up so quickly he was amazed he didn’t break his spine. He went to his laptop, now charging on the counter which separated the kitchen from the main room. He felt like an idiot. _How did he miss that?_

All this time he was so worried about the fact the he was being followed, that Merlin forgot to ask the question: how did these people even find him in the first place? Merlin hooked the flash drive on the computer; maybe there was a GPS or some kind program that would track the device when it was plugged, but Merlin didn’t find anything. He thought back to the man chasing him on the street. It wasn’t a program. They broke into his dorm because they knew the the flash drive was there.

Merlin took the small thing on his hands, he entered the kitchen and started opening drawers until he found Arthur’s cutlery. Merlin took a knife from the drawer; he forced its point against the place where the two parts of the case met until he managed to open the pen drive. He knew what it should look like on the inside, and that was why he knew the little black dot on the memory card did not belong there.

“Oh, no!” Merlin threw the whole thing on the floor and smashed it with his foot. He ran a nervous hand through his hair, he needed to tell Arthur; he couldn’t let those people find them here. Arthur’s entire family was here. Merlin looked for his mobile, but when he entered the bedroom he only found Arthur’s. Of course, Arthur was in the building, why would he take his phone. Merlin was beginning to panic when he heard the front door opening; he rushed to the living room.

“I was about to go after you,” he started saying from the corridor. “I made a mistake, Arthur. They know where we are.”

“Yes, they do,” said the blond woman pointing a gun at him.

* * *

 

“Well done, Arthur,” Uther said as he scrolled down the list of names of every one in Medhir. Arthur couldn’t suppress his smile, he could lie to himself all he wanted, but the truth was that some part of him would always seek for his father’s approval, and to be praised by him made Arthur feel incredibly proud of his achievement.

“Thank you, father.”

“You are welcome, son.” Uther said with a short nod. “I shall inform the Prime Minister immediately. He must act quickly.”

Arthur got up from the chair; he knew when he was being dismissed. Whatever phone calls his father was about to give were way above Arthur’s clearance. He also knew how this game was played; Avalon was not getting any credits for this, not publically.  Secrecy was the key of their job.

He left Uther’s home office and saw himself out of his father’s apartment. Arthur’s job was done for now; tomorrow they would have a debriefing and run over details, but right now Arthur was more interested in  having his own private celebration with Merlin…

Arthur smiled at his own reflection on the mirrored wall of the elevator. He needed to buy supplies. Oh, but he was so dragging Merlin with him to the drug store down the street. Arthur had a feeling Merlin’s face would probably go ten shades of red, buying lube and condoms. He laughed.

However, Arthur’s happiness was shortly lived, for as he opened the door two things caught his attention: the first was that Merlin wasn’t alone, and second that his company was no less than Morgause Orkney. 

* * *

No one could say Merlin didn’t have nerves after this, even though his palms were sweaty he felt surprisingly calm, as if all of this were happening to somebody else and Merlin was just watching from afar. The woman hadn’t said much to him, she only told him to sit down, taking a place next to him on Arthur’s sofa. She put the gun on her lap, but Merlin was under no illusions, if he tried to move she _would_ shoot him. So he concentrated on taking deep breaths; Arthur would be here any moment, he would know what to do.

But when Arthur finally came through the door Merlin’s heart started to beat way more quickly than before. There was only one reason the woman hadn’t killed Merlin yet, he wasn’t her target. Arthur was.

“I assume you’re Arthur Pendragon.” She pointed at him with the gun. “It’s a pleasure finally meeting you,” she said with a sharp smile. “I’d move very slowly if I were you.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes; he wasn’t moving at all. “Lady Orkney.” Merlin recognized the name; it was the first one on the list, Morgause Orkney; her main address was in Tintagel. She was the head of the Medhir group. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Morgause just stared at Arthur, none amused. “I was betrayed,” she said then, in a tone of someone who was extremely bored with the conversation. “Information has been stolen from me,” she continued. “And I believe that both of us understand the value of privacy.” In a quick move Morgause unlocked the safety of the gun, and then the cold metal was touching the side of Merlin’s head. He swallowed hard.

“Hey, hey,” Arthur shouted, he gave a step forward with both his hands up.

“Where is it?” She asked calmly.

“I – I don’t, I –” Arthur stuttered.

“I destroyed it,” Merlin said, and he was surprise his voice didn’t fail him. Morgause looked at him, but Merlin kept his eyes on Arthur. “You can look; it’s on the kitchen floor.”

“And why would you do that?” She didn’t seem convinced at all.

This time Merlin looked at her as he spoke, “I was frustrated, I – I couldn’t decode the encryption.”

Morgause looked from him to Arthur and back. “Is that so?” Merlin only nodded. She took the gun off his face. “Up. Show me.” Merlin got off the couch, walking as slowly as he could, he wasn’t sure if Morgause was buying his story or not. “You too, Pendragon; move.”  Arthur started moving backwards, saying he wouldn’t give his back to her.

“You don’t trust me, I don’t trust you.” But Morgause only shrugged at his statement.

They got to the kitchen and Merlin held his breath as she looked down at the small pieces of plastic scattered on the floor, and apparently that was all the distraction Arthur needed. Merlin had never been more thankful for his lack of organization. He had forgotten to put the knife back in the drawer, it was still by the side of the sink; he noticed the exact moment when Arthur saw it too.

Moving quickly to block Morgause’s vision, Merlin reached the knife and threw it to Arthur. But the movement caught her attention this time, and then it all happened at once. Arthur caught the knife and charged against Morgause, shouting for Merlin to leave, but for a moment Merlin was frozen in place, and the next thing he knew there was a loud noise and someone screamed.

Suddenly, Merlin felt something burning through his shoulder “Arthur?” He sank to the ground, the pain making it hard for him to concentrate on anything, he blinked and tears blurred his vision. The last thing Merlin registered was Arthur’s voice, sounding too distant despite their closeness, and then darkness.

* * *

Arthur was sure he was about to open a hole on the hospital floor if another minute passed without any news of Merlin. Morgana was sitting in front of him, she had demanded to stay with him when he brought Merlin, everyone else – including Balinor who had lost all the color of his face when he saw Merlin -, everyone had gone back to Base to deal with the whole Morgause situation. They had to move fast now, Arthur knew. It wouldn’t take much time for Medhir to discover their leader was dead.

Arthur stopped pacing. She was probably still there, her blood mixed with Merlin’s, staining Arthur’s white floor. He closed his eyes, there was so much blood. Not just on his kitchen, but on his clothes as well; that was all Merlin’s. Arthur had taken him on his arms and ran with him. Arthur felt tears filling up his eyes; he tried to swallow down the lump in his throat with no avail.

When he opened his eyes again Morgana was standing in front of him, she took a step toward him and it was all the invitation he needed. They didn’t do hugs, not normally. But there was nothing normal about that situation. She was pregnant and Arthur was in love with a man ten years younger than him, a man that might be dead now.

He held on tight, and wasn’t embarrassed when his tears fell on her shoulder, maybe because he could fell hers, too.

“I’m not doing this anymore,” she said, her voice muffled because her head was pressed against his chest. A distant part of Arthur’s brain wondered if she didn’t mind the blood.

“Do you think we can have a normal life?” he asked in a small voice after they broke apart, but she didn’t have the chance to answer, because that was the moment a nurse approached them.

“Are you the family of Mr. Emrys?” She asked with the sympathetically smile of someone who was used to giving bad news.

“He is, he is my – he is under my protection,” Arthur answered; he couldn’t bring himself to say anything else; not when he didn’t know if Merlin was alive. “How is he?”

“Mister Emrys is out of danger now, but I am afraid I can give you any more information if you’re not a family member.” She was about to turn away but Arthur grabbed her arm.

“Wait,” she glared at him and he let go. “Can I see him… please?”

Her eyes soften again but she shook her head. “I’m sorry, sir; only a family member.”

“I’m family,” a voice came from behind Arthur and he turned to see Balinor with a small woman by his side. She had the same blue eyes and soft features Merlin did. Arthur’s heart ached. He put in danger the life of this woman’s only son.

The nurse took Merlin’s mother to see him, she didn’t even glace at Arthur’s direction as she passed by him.

“Merlin’s mom?” Morgana asked when Balinor approached them.

“Hunith,” he answered looking at the corridor she had disappeared with the nurse and then he turned to Arthur. “Do you understand now why I left her?”

“I thought he was your son.”

“I would have done the same.”

* * *

Merlin was already awake when she entered the room, he could see the worry on his mother’s face; she sat on a chair by his bed and took his hand.

“How are you feeling, my boy?” She ran her thumb over the back of his hand offering him soft smile. Merlin’s head felt too light, but he still remembered what happened; he just didn’t understand how she was there. She didn’t know about any of this, his mom shouldn’t be involved. How could Arthur drag his mother into this mess?

“Arthur…”          

“Honey?” She looked at him with a confused expression, and after a moment she seemed to remember something. “Oh, you mean the man out there. Balinor told me about him.” His mother shook her head with a disapproving look on her face. “He had no right to put you through this.”

Merlin’s head was getting less foggy by the minute, and as his mind cleared her words started making more sense to him. So Balinor was the one who brought Hunith there.

“You talked to… your boyfriend.” It wasn’t really a question, he wanted to ask how she felt about that, but that seemed like just too many words for now.

Hunith gave a small laugh and was Merlin _that_ high on painkillers or was his mother really blushing? “Imagine that! He just showed up on my doorstep after so long,” she sighed. “Guess it makes sense now, why he left.” If she was sad she didn’t show it.

Merlin’s shoulder began to hurt again, he told his mother and she called a nurse, who gave him more morphine and told him to rest. Merlin would have snorted – of course he was going to rest, he was being doped -, but the woman, Freya – her nametag said - was so nice he couldn’t be mean to her.

His eyelid felt too heavy out of the sudden, so Merlin closed them. He heard his mother talking to Freya as he slowly drifted to unconsciousness; they were saying something about Arthur but Merlin was already too far gone to know what.

* * *

Merlin’s mother practically kicked Arthur out of the hospital, she all but yelled at him for almost getting her some killed and then she hugged him for saving Merlin’s life, but even then he wasn’t allowed to see Merlin, who was asleep and wouldn’t wake up any time soon.

After that Hunith Emrys told Arthur to go take a shower, eat something and get some sleep. Arthur highly doubted he could do the later, he could use a shower, though, he thought as Morgana drove them back to their building. As for eat, Arthur wasn’t remotely hungry and even if he were, the thought of entering his kitchen made him feel sick. He doubted he could enter his apartment, anyway.

So instead they went to Morgana’s, she gave him some of Gwaine’s clothes and Arthur stayed under the shower until the water ran cold; he found Morgana in the kitchen, siting at the table as Gwaine made them sandwiches. Arthur listened to their conversation but didn’t participate on it; they were talking about finding another building, since this one had been compromised and their location was no longer safe.

He took some bites from the sandwich just too make Morgana stop glaring at him. Gwaine said Uther was talking about putting an end to Avalon and that was the best news Arthur got since he found out Merlin was alive. He had a feeling he wasn’t the only one relieved by that announcement, even if it wasn’t official yet. When the conversation turned to their baby Arthur left the two of them alone.

Arthur managed to sleep for about two and a half hours, or maybe he had just passed out from exhaustion, he wasn’t sure. But when morning finally came he took Morgana’s car keys and headed to the hospital. It was too early for visits, but he hoped Hunith would be there and perhaps she could put in a good word with the nurse and let Arthur see Merlin.

It didn’t work. Hunith was there, too, but she had to wait to see Merlin just like him. She _did_ allow Arthur to see her son this time though, and so Arthur waited. He was let in Merlin’s room some time later.

Merlin looked pale and small on the hospital bed. He was wearing a cast on his left arm. “Arthur.”

“Uh, hi,” Arthur felt self-conscious, he didn’t know what to do with his hands so he just shove them in his jeans' pockets and leaned against the wall by the door. “Merlin, I’m so sorry for all of this,” he said without looking at Merlin.

“It’s over now,” Merlin said in a calm tone. “Balinor told me everything.” Arthur looked up at him, Merlin didn’t seem sad or angry at Arthur, but he certainly wasn’t over the moon  on seeing him either.

“Merlin…” Arthur began, not really sure what to say next.

“I don’t blame you for this, Arthur,” he said looking down at his arm. “You didn’t shoot me.”

“But it was my fault.” And Arthur would be lying if he said he wasn’t desperate for Merlin to deny that, but Merlin just looked at him for some time and then he spoke,

“You know when people go through this crazy situation,” he shifted on the bed. “And after they say they would do it all over again… they’re lying.”  Merlin rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. “I was so scared, Arthur. I thought I was going to die.” He opened his eyes again and looked at Arthur. “This isn’t the life I want. I deserve better than this.”

“Yes, you do… and so do I,” Arthur said, he wanted to reach out for Merlin, but somehow he knew he wouldn’t be welcomed, so he just stayed where he was. “Avalon is over. My father already had a heart attack, my sister’s pregnant, and you… you _got shot_! What good is a safe country if I don’t have the ones I love?”

Merlin sighed, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his good hand. “You don’t mean that,” he gave a dry laugh. “For one thing, we barely know each other, like is one thing, but love… And also, you’re the kind of person who thinks about the greater good, rather than his personal happiness. Gwen would say you are a save-the-world type of man.” Merlin smiled sadly. Arthur didn’t think he was that altruistic, but he didn’t say anything. “I like you, Arthur. I really do –”

“But…” Arthur felt like he was about to cry, he knew what was coming and he knew it was the best, heathier decision, but it didn’t make any less painful.

“I can’t do this; I don’t think it would be good for me.” Merlin was blinking rapidly, he sniffed. “I wasn’t made for this kamikaze life. I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“The life you had. You were dragged into this before you were old enough to be able to choose.” Merlin bit his lower lip, he had such a pained expression and Arthur realized it was for him, Merlin was sad for _him_. “Your house doesn’t look like a home.” Arthur frowned at him in confusion and Merlin continued. “First I thought it was because of your job or something… but know I think you might not even know how a home is supposed to look like.”

Those words would have sounded cruel if it was anyone else saying it, but instead they only hit Arthur with the realization that Merlin was probably right. Arthur had grown up not knowing how it felt like to choose, he only followed orders. Arthur’s shoulders sagged.

“I’m not trying to make you sad,” Merlin said. “I just wanted to open your eyes. Like you said, you deserve better than this, too.”

Arthur nodded. Someone knocked on the door and then Merlin’s nurse came in. Arthur wiped his eyes on his sleeves.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but Guinevere and Lancelot are here to see you,” she said with a friendly smile and then she seemed to take note of their faces. “I’ll… tell them they can see you in a few minutes.”

“Thanks, Freya,” Merlin said and she left.

Arthur cleared his throat, “I should get going.”

“Goodbye, Arthur.”

* * *

Arthur left the hospital with a heavy heart, wondering what he was supposed to do with his life now. Dwelling on sorrow wasn’t very productive, and he felt like there was so much to be done until he could start over. As he drove back to the building he started to make plans on how to turn his life around. But it wasn’t just his life, was it? He had a family, and if Merlin was right, even if Arthur had no idea of what a home was, he did know the meaning of family. And so his first choice was to take care of those he loved.

With his attention focused on his family, Arthur barely had time to think about Merlin. Morgana and Gwaine went to Ireland, because that was where Gwaine was from, with the bonus of being far enough from everything to do with Avalon. It hadn’t been easy to leave the secret service, but Uther had a few cards under his sleeves and a lot of strings to pull so they all made it out alive and with their identities mostly anonymous.

Arthur didn’t hear of Balinor after they went their separate ways; he liked to think the man had gone after his long lost love, Merlin’s mom, but it wasn’t a very realistic idea and Arthur dismissed. Too much time had passed for them to pick things up from where they were left.

As for Arthur, he stayed with Uther – he was surprise to discover his father still owned the house they lived in before joining Avalon. The two of them lived together until Uther’s heart failed him, almost three years after the incident with Morgause. As far as he knew, everyone in Medhir was still behind bars, including a rich business man called Cenred King.

Arthur stayed with Morgana for a few months after their father’s passing. She told him he could stay for as long as he liked but he felt like he shouldn’t impose on her and her new family with Gwaine and their son Mordred. Besides, he had already decided what he was going to do.

Going back home, Arthur went straight to Camelot University. He hadn’t been there in a long time but he still remembered the way to the dean’s office. The old man welcomed him with a harm smile, they talked for hours and Arthur left Gaius’ office with an armful of papers folders and two classes to prepare.

A few weeks later he was in his own office, correcting tests when someone knocked.

“Come in,” he said without looking up.

“Gaius said I’d find you here,” Arthur did look up then, because he knew that voice.

“Merlin,” he said, not knowing how else to greet him. Merlin look different, he wasn’t as skinny as Arthur remembered, his shoulders were broader, he seemed to have more muscles on his arms now and he had a beard. He looked less like a boy now.

“Yeah, I came by to see him and he told me you were here.” Merlin smiled, his body could be new to Arthur, but that smile… it was still the same. “Had to see it for myself.” He pointed at the papers on Arthur’s desk. “So it’s true then, James Bond is now a teacher.”

Arthur laughed. “Professor, _Mer_ lin,” he corrected and Merlin only laughed at him. They sober up after a moment, an awkward silence settling between them as they stared at each other. Arthur cleared his throat. “So, uh – do you want to sit down, tell me how things are going for you?”

Merlin rocked on his heels. “Another time, maybe. Really, I came by because I thought Gaius was pulling my leg.” He shifted from foot to foot and it became clear he was looking for a way out, Arthur realized there wasn’t going to be ‘another time’ and he was okay with it, whatever they could have had it was a long time ago.

“Yes, of course,” he took one of the tests on his hands. “I have to finish this, anyway. But… it was good to see you, Merlin.” He stretched a hand out and Merlin took it. It might have been too formal, but though they weren’t intimate anymore they still had history, so a hand shake seemed better than nothing.

“You too, Arthur.” Merlin hesitated for a moment when he let go of Arthur’s hand, like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure if he should. Arthur waited and after a few seconds Merlin made his mind. “You look happy, I’m glad to see you like this.”

Arthur smiled at him, it was true. He was happy, he liked where he was in life was right now and he liked even better that he had been the one to choose that path.

Merlin turned to leave and Arthur doubted they were going to see much of each other again, but Merlin was alive and seemed to be doing well and that was good enough for Arthur. There was only one thing he had to ask.

“What about your game, did you get the rights for the name?”

Merlin looked back to him with a huge grin on his face. “Yeah, I got it. It’s kind of a big thing now,” he laughed. “I might even make a living of it.”

“Only you could make a living of fighting dragons, Merlin.”

Merlin snorted. “You don’t know the first thing about games, do you?” Arthur couldn’t help but agree. “Take care of yourself, Arthur.”

Arthur spent some time looking at the closed door after Merlin left. So much had changed in his life since they last saw each other, but also… so much had changed _because_ of Merlin. Arthur was sure he wouldn’t be where he was now if he hadn’t met Merlin. He looked at the photograph of his sister and nephew he kept on his desk and smiled; the man he was a few years back would never add such a personal touch to a work place. Merlin had helped Arthur change his own life, take a hold on it, and he would be forever grateful for that.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t do any research, so as I said before, I have no idea how these computer stuff works; I also don’t know how accurate Homeland is. It’s all out of my head. 
> 
> I feel like everyone was kind of ooc (especially Uther), but the heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart was tired of the asshole!Uther on fics. 
> 
> I kind of gave up on this story half way through it, and that’s why the end was kind of rushed. I wanted to finish it but I was tired of writing so, this might not have been so great. 
> 
> One other note, some Arthurian legends do say Merlin is the son of the devil with a princess, so there you have my version of it. Just remember it was all in the name of fun.


End file.
